I had a terrible time getting off antipsychotics, the withdrawals were so nasty it would have been helpful to be in a rehab clinic for them except rehab clinics don't take patients addicted to antipsychotics.

Sedatives like Ativan or Klonopin can very tempting when experiencing antipsychotic withdrawals, and patients prescribed antipsychotics are often prescribed sedatives as well. However, I found that more often than not sedatives led to a state where I was so tired I was barely able to move but still could not sleep because of the withdrawals. This state was much worse than going through the withdrawals without the sedatives.

I've seen far too many people fall into this sedative trap while withdrawing from antipsychotics and what often ends up happening is they take more and more sedatives until they actually do fall asleep. But by that time they've taken a lot more sedatives than they should have and someone ends up finding them and calling an ambulance. In the emergency room labeled an "attempted suicide", given charcoal, and sent off to a psych hospital where they are readministered antipsychotics. While they attempt to explain to the staff that suicide was not the motivation in taking the sedatives, their explanations are inevitably dismissed. Sometimes they are actually manipulated into thinking they must have meant to kill themselves even though they don't remember wanting to.

My particular battle was with Geodon, but this scenario can play out with users of virtually any antipsychotic drugs including Abilify, Risperdal, Zyprexa, and Seroquel. Breaking antipsychotic addiction is not easy, but being armed with knowledge can help tremendously.

Information on the enforcement of New York's "Kendra's Law" as of April 1, 2005, from the NYCLU:

Racial Bias: 42% of IOC (Involuntary Outpatient Commitment) order recipients are Black. 34% of IOC order recipients are White. 21% are Hispanic. Black people are almost five times as likely as White people to be the recipients of IOC orders. Hispanic people are two and a half times as likely as non-Hispanic White people to be the recipients of IOC orders. Geographical Bias: New York City (5 counties or boroughs) 3,078 orders. Nassau County 165 orders. Suffolk County 254 orders. 41 other counties combined 547. 14 counties have entered no orders. People who live in New York City are more than four times as likely to be the recipients of IOC orders as people living in the rest of the state. Loss of Rights: People with multiple psychiatric hospitalizations, but no histories of hurting others, are the primary recipients of IOC orders. 88% of those orders direct a medication regimen. 75% of those orders direct participation in individual and/or group therapy. 40% of those orders direct participation in substance abuse programs. 37% of those orders direct participation in blood or urine testing. 31% of those orders direct participation in specific housing or housing support services. 22% of those orders direct participation in specific day program services.

I was about to confront Bebe, when she said her brother was sending the money and she's going into rehab today. Kind of took the wind out of my sails.

I talked to her anyway, and told her (in a very non-angrily way) that that she would have to leave if she ever took something of ours without asking again. She agreed that that was reasonable. I also told her if she isn't successful with rehab that she was going to have to move out, that I can no longer babysit her (I actually used the word "babysit"). She agreed to that also.

I was actually hoping for a large confrontation that would get her out at the end of this week, but I am satisfied with the results that were reached. I know, I might be a pushover, but I understand everyone's got problems. While this doesn't excuse her behavior, if she stops I can forgive it. If she doesn't she likes me well enough and understands the situation well enough that I think telling her it's time to go won't be a problem.

I can't deal with another confrontation with Bebe, so my new plan is to be overly-concerned.

Everytime I see her wobbly I've been asking, "are you feeling well? You don't look well. Are you sure your feeling well? Okay, you're sure?".

If I hear her fall down (which she does a lot), I ask, "Are you okay? That didn't sound good. Do you need some help? Are you sure you're okay? Are you really sure, that sounded horrendous."

Everytime she passes out somewhere other than her room or throws up I ask, "Do we need to take you to the hospital again? Are you sure? You don't seem to be okay, are you sure we shouldn't call someone? Are you really sure?"

Every time I'm simply sitting in the kitchen with her, I go on, "Have you called rehab yet today? You know this is going to kill you. You're ripping apart your innards. You're going to die a painful death from internal organ failure if you keep this up much longer, or you might fall over and hurt yourself badly. You know you should really stop."

These aren't things I just mention in passing or occasionally. I'm determined to say something along these lines everytime I see her. No respite! Either I'll drive her into rehab or I'll drive her away. Either is fine with me.

Woke up and walked into the hallway. I was greeted by a strong draft of alcoholic fumes. Bebe was back.

It turns out that due to a clerical error, Bebe lost her bed at rehab after just 5 days. Not long enough for her to clean up completely. The good news is she's trying to get into a 28 day program. I'm happy she's trying, that's all anyone can do. It's a onerous demon she's dealing with.

I'm worried that Bebe got drunk off the vodka I had left on our shelf in the kitchen. I thought it safe for it to be there as I was sure she was going to be in rehab another week. It seems an obvious error in retrospect. The level of the vodka seems to me to be quite lower, but I'm not sure enough of it to raise the issue. And even if I was sure of it, I don't know if it would be worth it to rock the boat while interroommate relations are doing so well. However I do find a fine line between Bebe dealing with her demon and her demon stealing from me.

Last night, after the large arguement with Bebe, I called my friend Sara and told her the room would be available at the end of the month. After everything blew over, I forgot I had made the call. Today, after I got back from lunch with sexyredrooster, I found that Sara had left a message telling me that she'll take the room and she has the money ready. With Bebe repentant and in rehab, there's no way she's moving, and I'm not kicking her out.

There is an option other than simply telling Sara the room isn't available anymore. I could rent Sara the playroom. I don't know where I'll put all the things currently in the playroom. I'll really miss the walls, which I have spread my soul upon. I love the room. It is part of me. I will miss it. But, renting it would go a long way to solving the current financial crisis. I probably should do it, even though it will break my heart. Lake has left the decision up to me.

The playroom option may be a moot point, anyway. There are two obstacles to Sara taking it if it is offered. One, Sara drives a car and we don't have any extra parking. This may be worked around, with some effort, but I'm unsure if Sara will want to deal with it. Two, the playroom is over double the size of Bebe's room, and we'd have to tack an extra $100 to what Sara expected to pay for Bebe's room to keep everything fair.

I'm going to think on what to do for an hour or so, then call Sara with the decision.

Just had a great talk with Bebe in the kitchen. Everything came out. Everything changed. Bebe gave me a beaded purse as an "I'm sorry" gift, and explained that she's going to go into rehab for two weeks starting tomorrow morning. She's sorry for all the problems. I explained that I've just been having a bad time lately, and I was sorry for blowing up. She's going to pay all the money she owes as soon as she gets out of rehab, and she does have access to it. She is going to stay. We hugged, we cried. Everything is going to work out.

Bebe just walked in the door. She say's that they didn't send her to rehab. That she spent the whole week in the hospital. They didn't have any beds at rehab. She told me she is planning to go into rehab as soon as a bed becomes available. She told me that they spent most of the week checking out her foot, ankle, and knee from her skiing accident a month ago.

I thought it was odd that they'd release her so late, so I asked her what time she was released. She told me that she was released in the afternoon and it took her all this time to get home. Home is two bus rides, so I'm dubious. Her story seems a little shaky, but I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.

I just hope for her sake, after all this, that she's not going to just pick up where she left off in the realm of drinking.

I just spoke with Bebe on the phone and found out the scoop. Her extremely excessive drinking has disrupted the entire lining of her stomach (as well as the rest of her digestive system). The damage, luckily, isn't permanent.

She did confirm that she had skipped out on rehab yesterday, and simply came home and continued drinking (the rest of the day and all night). After this incident, she says she's going to actually go into rehab this time. The hospital is going to keep her overnight and try to get her into a rehab clinic tomorrow. I'm glad this ordeal has convinced her she needs to do something about her problem.

Bebe is back. She came back carrying a large bag of her stuff. She apparently went out intending to go to rehab. Whether she went and didn't like it or just changed her mind, I don't know. I imagine things aren't going to change around her.

I just looked in the bathroom and all Bebe's shower supplies are gone. I guess that means she went.

A friend of Bebe's just called and asked me if Bebe had left for rehab yet. I didn't even know she was planning on going. She's wants me to tell Bebe to call her if Bebe has gone off to the liquor store instead of rehab. I'm glad Bebe is at least thinking about rehab, and if she's gone that's even better. She's a nice person, and I'm glad she's dealing with her problem. Most of our issues with Bebe have been caused by her 24-7 drunkenness. It's a good thing she's getting help.