Spring has arrived. Soon, the plants my sister and brother are sending me for my birthday will start arriving and I'll be able to put the compost to good use. They are sending me 3 butterfly bushes, 3 red latham raspberry bushes, and 6 oriental poppies. I'm very excited about gardening this year.

I haven't done any gardening since I rented the house in Columbia, Missouri and grew carrots out back. It was a very small house with a small yard, but it was a house with a yard and it was $185/month. Wow, that price seems great now, I couldn't rent a room for that around here these days. It's a different season here, in more ways than just not being winter anymore.

Just 2.6 percent of Massachusetts drivers have junior operator's licenses or learner's permits, but when state laws governing these drivers change on Saturday, nearly everyone will be affected. The list includes teen drivers, their friends, their families, anyone who pays car insurance, and anyone who's ever been touched by stories of teens killed in high-speed crashes. The changes are aimed at making teenage drivers take safety seriously by toughening the punishment for those who don't. Junior operators -- new drivers under age 18 -- who get a speeding ticket will have their licenses automatically suspended for 90 days. Almost all basic offenses will carry suspensions, as well as fines and fees of up to $1,000. full article

Essentially, a teenager, naturally unfamiliar with the roads around where they live, accidentally goes down a one way street the wrong way and gets hit by $1000 in fines? Or maybe they didn't notice a speed limit changed and WHAM your family's not making rent this month! The fines for a simple error are outrageous and fly in the tradition of treating minors as less responsible for law breaking. Now teenagers will face fines over an order of magnitude larger than adults charged with the same violation.

This kind of fine-base approach, as in the state's shining "universal" healthcare law that provides healthcare to everyone by fining uninsured people who don't purchase health insurance just makes Massachusetts that much less affordable. And the cost of living in Massachusetts is the reason so many people are leaving this so-called liberal state.

In therapy yesterday, we discussed why I want to get off disability and back into the job market. I hadn't really thought that much on the question other than that I wanted to.

The reason I want a job is not because I feel guilty in some way for not having one. I don't feel guilty. First, it's only recently that I've been doing well enough to realistically consider getting one. Second, it's not like any job I'm likely to go into is going to make the world a better place or let me do my part or any such crap. Most likely, if I go back into databases, I'm be schlepping code to fill some corporate coffers. The likelihood of landing another non-profit gig isn't terribly high.

The reason is not that I'd simply like to have more money either. Sure it would be nice to not have to count pennies so much, to not worry about how I'm going to pay for rent and oil. But, I'm getting by. Anything else is gravy. Gravy is nice, but not necessary.

The reason is autonomy. I don't want to be beholden to the government for my check. And while I am grateful for those friends who have helped me out when I've been in tight spots, I do not want to be beholden to them for support either. I want to control my own life, and in this hyperquasicapitalist dollar-worshiping society that means holding my own purse strings to as much of an extent as possible. I want to control my income because even if they hold their power benignly, I want to lessen the power others hold over me.

The new roommate fell through.

We have no one for next month.

I don't know what's going to happen.

Of course, this is a familuar situation in this house and we've pull through before.

I don't know how much I care right now.

To everyone of every gender:

• Do not leave your drinks unattended while out. Furthermore, do not leave any belongings you do not want stolen and/or tampered with unattended while out.


• Lock your door, especially if you live alone.


• Minimize the amount of time you spend alone outdoors in isolated locations in and around populated areas. If you must be in such an environment, be as aware as possible of your surroundings. Trust your instincts and stay alert.


• Be aware of the openings and closing of businesses in any area you frequent. Knowing what places are both safe and open can save your life.


• If at all possible, only do alcohol and other intoxicating drugs around people you know and trust. If you feel at all sketchy about the setting, do not get completely wasted.


• If you can, keep someone (friend, family, or partner) informed of your plans and location.


• Develop a plan or strategy to deal with any disaster that has a foreseeable reasonable possibility of befalling you. This means planning what to do if you are attacked, mugged, your house catches on fire, you lose your job and cannot pay your rent/mortgage, you have a medical emergency, etc. Even if the plan or strategy you come up with is not ideal, having a less than ideal plan in hand is better than having none at all.

Pass it on.

I'm extremely worried that we all may be kicked out of the house_of_clocks. Even if we do keep it, I've already given up on heating it this winter. Due to other's lack of funds, the household is currently behind on rent by a staggering amount. I anticipate some money coming in soon and maybe more coming in from two of the roommates. But, the one that owes by far the most may never pay it. I didn't know how bad the situation was until recently, because the person who owes the most is also the person in charge of handling the rent. The problem is the landlord doesn't want multiple checks every month, so we all have to hand over the money to one person who then writes a large check to him. I can't be that person, because having a large amount of money appearing in my account every month could screw up my SSDI and MassHealth. Kicking the person who owes the most out right now doesn't' seem like a viable option, because we'd still be far in debt to the landlord without them. The best hope is the continued generosity of our landlord, who hasn't kicked us out yet.

Finding a roommate right now would prove very difficult. A portion of the bathroom ceiling collapsed yesterday, the fridge is pretty ragged, we have a minor (at this point) roach infestation and we're in debt to the landlord. I doubt anyone would want to move in under those circumstances.

We need to have a house meeting, but I don't know how to arrange it within the confines of household politics. I'm pretty sure that two of the roommates are unaware of the direness of the situation and need to be informed forthwith.

purpleglitter thinks I should jump ship before we lose the place and has been trying to find other places with affordable rents that I could live. Even if I can come up with the first and last for another place, I'll feel bad about screwing over the landlord and the other roommates, but it may be the best option, because none of the friends and family I've talked about the situation to have said they would take in mazzycat. I will not give her up.

I feel guilty whining about my problems which are very minor compared all that is going on right now. I'm safe, I know I will have a place to stay, and my city is still here. But it is my journal and I needed to get it out.

Early last evening listening to the news, it seemed New Orleans had been spared from utter catastrophe. Now it seems like that is not so. 80% of the city is underwater and water is still flowing in two major levee breaches. The Corps of Engineers does not yet have a plan for fixing them. Water levels will continue to rise until they are able to fix the leaks. Mississippi and Alabama got hammered more directly, and parts of Biloxi are completely flattened, but they are at least able to start recovery in those areas now. The disaster in New Orleans in still evolving and it is impossible to tell at this point what the extent of the devastation will be there. This is one of those events that may change everything, not just in the areas directly effect, but across the entire country. What shape the long term fallout of this storm will take is unpredictable.

I wish there was something I could do to help, but I have no money to donate to relief efforts at this point. Literally, I have no money, and even when I get my check, most of it already earmarked for rent and bills. All I can do is sit by and go on with life. History moves too fast.

The number of houses up for sale has jumped 12% over the last month, at the same time the number of house sales has dropped slightly. While housing prices are still edging upwards, the laws of supply and demand tell me that this could signal the bubble is about to burst. Housing may just become affordable again.

I have been contemplating moving to Portland, OR. Portland is a liberal city with a nice public transit system. It has milder winters and summers than New England. With all that, the rents are about half that of the Boston area. Unlike SSI, the amount I get from SSDI doesn't vary with my housing costs, which means saving $200 on rent puts $200 extra in my pocket. I've long said that an extra $200 a month would be all I really need to be reasonably happy. Right now, I feel crippled socially, because I can't really go out to coffee houses and other various gathering places with friends on any sort of regular basis. $200 a month would allow me to do that and also get some new used clothing at the thrift stores. I don't know how I can make that extra money in Boston without jeopardizing my benefits. There are various illegal options available to me, and while they are tempting, I'm far too afraid of jail and prison to explore those routes. Any move to Portland won't happen until at least next fall, and even then would be contingent on a number of factors. If the housing bubble in Boston actually bursts, the move might not even be pointful, as rents here would be driven down. I'd wager even money on that happening.

i want to stop taking my meds
i want to clean
i want to smoke some pot
i want to lay down and sleep
i want to drink
i want to cut
i want to eat
i want to starve
i want to die
i want to live
i want to be
i want to hide
i want to get a job
i want to write
i want to care what happens to me
i want to help people
i want to save the world
i want to destroy the world
i want to do everything
i want to do nothing
i want to get a grip
i want to stop wanting
i want to believe
i want to remember
i want to forget
i want to make up my mind
i want to let it all work itself out
i want to take charge
i want to get rent paid
i want to do a line of heroin
i want to drop acid
i want to break down the walls
i want to turn on the lights
i want to live in the dark
i want to know what i want

Interested in living in the house_of_clocks? publicoenone is moving to Wisconsin, so her room will be available September first. Rent is $400/month + utilities. No pets (we already have enough), no smokers.

i fell down again
after a talk with george
stressing paying the rent on time
i'm afraid he's going to evict us if things don't shape up
and i don't know how things are going to shape up
i just froze in front of walgreens
luckily mutehalo was there to shoo people away
so i didn't get taken to the hospital
i'm afraid if this keeps up i won't be able to leave the house alone
i refuse to live like that
trapped
everything is collapsing
i'm going to get drunk tonight
i spent the rest of the money i have until the 2nd on some alcohol
stupid, i know
but right now i'm in a space that i don't care
i'm accused of being self-destructive
might as well prove them right
fuck it all

the oil people still haven't come. it's been over a week with no heat. i've been heating the house with the stove. we can't order from someone else, because oil prices have skyrocketed in the past week. pretty much screwed. i don't know how we're going to keep paying rent even. nobody wants to take the downstairs room. i don't think anyone ever will. it's just too scary. i can't deal with all this. i don't think i'll ever record. i'll ever do anything. at the rate i'm going, i'm just going to keep falling into the abyss. everything is pointing to the one exit door. i want to take it. i want out.

can't exit today, got things to do. the house is a mess and people are coming over. none of us seem to be in cleaning mode. the central group is very unstable. i can tell we're extremely unstable, because the floaters can take more time when the central group is in turmoil. we tend to feed off each others doing bad, but the floaters aren't as effected. when we do good, the floaters can't break through to front that much. it's not that the floaters are bad, it's just scary not knowing what the body's up to. some people suggested that we consider going into the hospital. but with the holidays, its going to be crowed there now. they'll probably ship us off to holy family. i'm never going back there. ever. no no no.

Something was just knocking on the pantry window. Knocking. It wasn't the window rattling. I know what that sounds like. Something was knocking. I looked out the window. Nothing. Just snow sitting on the roof below.

Just something new to add to the growing list of oddities here at the house_of_clocks. Most visitors to the house_of_clocks have seen people walking in the downstairs hallway. People that aren't there. I'm suspicious that those who haven't just don't talk about it. Doors here have been known to open and shut on their own in still air. Doors that greatly outnumber the rooms. Sometimes I can hear people moving about when there is no one else here. We have found secret compartments the walls. The faucets behave in odd, and sometimes unpredictable manners. The whole place feels strange. Unworldly.

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I ask myself, how did we end up with this place? The rent is so cheap, compared to anyplace of equivalent size, location, and upkeep. Two floors. Two full huge baths. Tons of rooms. Gigantic closets. Built in window seat in the livingroom. Amazingly crafted walls, moldings, and windows. The place is out of a dream. We should be paying at least twice as much in rent as we are. Probably more. None of us should be able to afford to live here. It seems outlandish that it just fell into our lap.

The house_of_clocks in East Arlington is looking for a 4^th roommate for December 1^st. Currently populated by 3 queer vegetarian woman and 1 queer non-vegetarian cat. One large room available. 10 minute walk to Alewife. Bus stops in front of the house and runs every 8 minutes to Davis, Porter, and Harvard. Two full huge bathrooms. Hardwood floors. Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful. Only $400/month plus utilities. Email me at roommate@neitherday.com.

I'm back home, again with no aftercare. My lawyer was livid about the level of care I'm still recieving. She chewed out several people at several places, in the nice scary way only a lawyer can. Her fury in fighting my case has helped me maintain the will to keep fighting myself.

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Thanks to the help of a friend, the housing situation will work out. We will make the rent for the first month, without the fourth roommate. Furthermore, I have found a very probable roommate for December. Me, merryperseis and pillowkisser can breath a little easier.

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zarthon and purpleglitter helped me pack today. Actually, they did most of the packing, while I lay on the floor crying. I don't think I would have made it through today without their help.

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I'm preparing a long post about the events that lead up to and directly preceded my hospitalization. Hopefully I'll have that up by tomorrow. My life has been moving much too fast lately to be able to post as many details as I'd like to in my journal. I'll try to catch up as best I can.

The staff has been much nicer to me today, even Jimmy. I seem to have made my point clear: my gender needs to be respected. Sometimes the only way to get through to the staff at a place like this is to throw a fit. Of course, if one throws too many fits they will end up staying in here longer. It is important therefore, to choose one's battles wisely.

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laurellily backed out of the apartment, meaning that if I'm going to be secure in having housing, I need to find a new roommate by the end of october. As I have mentioned in a previous post the house is amazing: hardwood everything, two full baths, bay windows, large bedroom, bus stop in front of house, ten minute walk to T, and you can see the water of spy pond from the sidewalk. It's in east Arlington and the room is only $400 a month. Anyone interested in taking it, please email me at room@neitherday.com.

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The food here is not very edible. I had eaten almost nothing today. Luckily, riga_mortia and purpleglitter came with lots of yummy food. I love them both.

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They are letting me out tomorrow.



posted by riga_mortia

It's walking distance to the T, with a bus that stops practically at the front door. Walgreens is a minute away and Arlington Center is 5. You can see Spy Pond from the sidewalk in front of the house. Hardwood everything. Beautiful lighting fixtures. Two large bathrooms. Every bedroom is huge with giant closets. Eat-in kitchen and superb livingroom. All for $1600!! Wow! Wow! I hope I'm able to secure it. I need to gather two definite yeses. Quick!

Anyone who would be interested in living in the