My birding camera is still giving me a lot of grief. I'll get it working only to lose power again in less than a minute. I'm more and more convinced the problem is internal, and the prospects of getting it fixed anytime soon are dim. Even so, I was able to get a few shots with it at the Arlington Reservoir today.


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grrldan came over today. He lives down the street, so it was a very short trip. I made him my curried tomatoe mozzarella alphabet soup

After soup, went to the Prickly Pond. Today was just to unbelievably beautiful to stay inside.

When we got to the Prickly Pond, I noticed there were no marigold blooming over Nu-Nu's grave. It made me sad. I will have to go plant some later this week.

There, however, were thousands of water caltrops washed onto the shore. I saw none in the water, which is unfortunate, as they are only truly wish pods when found in floating in the water. Apparently they were stranded on shore as the water level slowly dropped. The water was lower than I've ever seen it. grrldan had never seen water caltrops in there natural, unpainted state, so he took one home.

We swang on the swings nearby the Prickly Pond. That was fun. The Prickly Pond was very beautiful today.

Some day in the near future, I would very much like to show him the Great Meadow. I think he would very much like it there.

Today has been a good day, although I've been asleep for most of it. Tomorrow Lake and I are going to the ballet. The tickets were zarthon's Christmas gift for us. I'm excited. Lake and I could really use a nice evening out on the town.

Last night I ended up cutting myself. Not as badly as I often do, just 3 long slashes on my upper leg. I was upset at myself, and felt the need to punish myself. I know I really shouldn't be doing that, but I feel I deserve it sometimes.

I've been feeling very suicidal lately. I am tempted to go down the pond near where Nu-Nu is buried and take a bunch of pills and lie down and go to sleep. It would really help if it was snowing. The two reasons I haven't done that yet, is I worry about Lake and I want to figure out what's going on with me. It's still a powerful impulse, though. I don't know how long I can resist it, especially when it snows.

I told my therapist about the cutting and the suicide thoughts. I was a little worried that by telling her, I'd end up getting my self hospitalized. I'm glad that didn't happen. Therapy's been really productive lately, and should continue to be, now that she wants to start seeing us every week.