purpleglitter and I went to Kickass Cupcakes in Davis Square on our way to Haveli (in Inman Square) last night. purpleglitter had a lucky cupcake (a cupcake with a fortune) and I had a very rummy mojito. All I can say is: delicious! Paddington gobbled up the catnip and cheese cupcake we got for her when we got home — and promptly passed out in a drugged haze. She hopes to find more of those magic cupcakes lying about.
I haven't fallen down once since the rapture I experience a little over a week ago. Not once. Something was awakening. The unwinding of the Kundalini. I have noted much symbolic significance in what I have called my cane. It is more than a cane, it is my staff. I realize now that I did not need my staff because I had trouble walking, but that I had trouble walking because I needed my staff. Now I have found it and seen what it is, I do not need it to walk around, but I do need it for my journey. It was meant for me.
I have come to see my staff in the form of a serpent, the handle being the serpent head. The serpent is not an animal I would have picked out to associate myself with. The squirrel, the skunk, the Canadian goose, and the raccoon. Those have been the animals I have felt kinship with. But now I walk a new path. Not really new a new path, as I've always walked my path, it's just I realized before that I was walking.
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Today is the first day I have been able to take my staff outside since I sealed it with polyurethane 6 days ago. I put the coating on it so that I would not have to worry about taking it outside in the elements. I was worried that snow and rain would take their toll on it, and it would not be long before it crumbled of rot.
Putting the polyurethane on proved to be more adventure than I had anticipated. More accurately: putting the polyurethane on the staff was easy, getting it off myself was difficult. I don't have any paint thinner, and not much else works as a solvent for polyurethane. I tried water and soap. I tried rum. My hands were sticky and the stick was spreading. The brushes I placed in a plastic bowl of soapy water and I hope that they are still able to be fully cleaned when I do get paint thinner. However, my hands and my arms were my more immediate concern and I lacked the correct solvent.
It then occurred to me that there was another approach to solve the problem. I needed the polyurethane would take hold of rather than something that would take hold of the polyurethane: flour. I worked the flour over my hands and arms and between my fingers letting it form a thick paste with the polyurethane. That paste I could then simply scrape off my skin. It worked, and I am now free of the stick of the polyurethane. I will, however, make sure I have paint thinner on hand if I try this again, so that I can do the clean-up the proper way.
“*sigh* I'm still here, I'm still being treated like shit. I mean, they're treating some of the other patients worse than me, and that's pissing me off too, and they don't want me to talk about it because they say I should be minding my own business. I can't go into details of what they're doing to other people about some of the other people because of confidentiality issues, I can't talk about their specific issues, but I can tell you the staff is being completely fucked up with some of this stuff. I mean completely fucked up. And... I need, I need to get out of here, I'm just feeling worse and worse. Even when I'm resting I mean, it's not stressful 24/7, it's episodic, things get out of control then things calm down. But even when - I don't know, my heart rate has been going up. I mean yesterday morning before anything happened it was measured at a hundred, and then last night it was measured at 111 and this morning it's coming in at 121, my pulse, and my blood pressure's up around 135, 140 over something, and I don't remember what it's over, but it shouldn't be that high. I'm on 200 mg of Spirolactin a day, my blood pressure should be low. Something is - I don't know, I just feel very strange too, I don't know if it's stress or what's going on, but my seizures have been getting even more frequent here. I had the one person pay a little attention, but the person this morning just came in and accused me of faking everything. And I'm like - What the fuck? That's exactly why I'm here, because everyone accusing me of faking everything and I can't take it anymore. Well that's one of the reasons, there's a large variety of reasons. But I feel very out of it and I'm not even drugged, unless they're putting something in my coffee and I don't think they are. I just want to go home.
I just want to go home, they're going to let me home on Monday and pour myself a nice glass of rum and some sort of alcoholic beverage, and it's not going to be good for me and I shouldn't do it but I just don't care. I don't care, I just want to go away. I just want this to all be over, I just want it to end, I just want it over. I can't do it. I can't keep fighting, I can't keep fighting. I'm fighting, I came in here, it's the only thing I've been proven wrong about is, I didn't think I had any fight left when I came in here, but I've got some fight left in me. But I don't want to do it, I'm tired of it. I don't want to keep doing it, I don't want to keep doing it, I just don't want to keep doing it. I feel like - I can feel my heart beating in my chest, I'm sweating to death. No one else thinks its hot but I just keep complaining about the heat, it's like, insane. I'm having trouble seing a lot of the time, I just can't focus. I have good eyesight other than the color thing, but I can't focus my eyes sometimes. I've been on the ground a lot. I don't like it here and I want to go home, I really want to go home. The thing is, I'm being treated like crap here and as I said, there are other people here being treated a lot worse than me. This is crazy, I don't like these places, I REALLY don't like these places. The staff just keeps lighting the fuse, like things start to calm down and they come and they rile everyone up and it all starts over again. It's not the whole staff, but it definitely feels like there are certain people on the staff that are just trying to piss people off. And I'm not the only one noting this. Of course, no one is going to believe a bunch of crazy people talking about what's going on. I mean, they - they know what they can get away with and they'll get away with it. And that's basically how it is.
And I need to get going because I'm really feeling - I can't do this. I gotta go. I will talk to you... later.
Bye.”
publicoenone picked up the malibu mango rum for me as i was having trouble walking and she was on her way to the liquor store anyway her condition was that i have a good time with it and not use it to further go down in my hole so in that spirit i'm having a great time hanging out with mutehalo i'm actually quite happy drunk right now how different i feel than just an hour ago
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purpleglitter and I went to Kickass Cupcakes in Davis Square on our way to Haveli (in Inman Square) last night. 
awake
cheerful
drunk