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The Madwoman of Menotomy
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Shaved

Date and Time  - Jun. 10th, 2007, 12:22 am

Current Mood  - dorky dorky
Current Music  - skye not sleeping

Instead of going to pride, I had my pussy shaved.

shaved paddington

shaved paddington

shaved paddington


Paddington did not like getting shaved at Doggie Styles (yes, that was the actual name of the groomers), but she was quite matty and really needed it. She'll be happier in the summer weather, too.

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Voice Post:

Date and Time  - Nov. 1st, 2005, 12:20 pm


VoicePost Help
1099K 5:19
“Good morning livejournal! This is neitherday, live from the madhouse. Apparently our protest worked. My friend in the wheelchair was transferred to another unit and is being treated very nice now. And is actually feeling like a human, and getting the care she needs. And on this unit, it looks like I'm getting the neurological work-up I need. I had a CAT scan today already. I will be getting an EEG, a sleep-deprived EEG, either tomorrow or Wednesday...I mean tomorrow or the next day, I think tomorrow is Wednesday, actually, so...Wednesday or Thursday I'll be getting a sleep-deprived EEG. I'm also meeting with a neurologist at some point today and then I will meet with neurologist again after the EEG. So things are actually getting done. On the medication front, I had to agree to take some medication, so...today, right now I'm on Klonopin. They tried to put me on Thorazaine, and I'm *not* going on Thorazine. No way. Thorazaine is the nastiest, the worst, the first, nastiest, and worst, and I'm not going on it. In fact, I'm not going on any antipsychotics. We're going to discuss what further meds. I told them I would consider an antidepressant, and they're suggesting I go on a mood stabilizer like Depakote or Lithium. I'm definitely not going on Depakote, but I told them I would discuss the option of Lithium, although somehow I think I'm not going to go ahead with it. And I don't like the idea, so they're going to have to put together a *really* good argument about why I should take Lithium. We'll see how that goes. I probably won't be making another post today, and I may not be making another post tomorrow, though I may if there's something important to say. Because I don't know how long I'm going to be here, and I only have 15 posts this whole month of November. And since they use Greenwich Standard Time for deciding when the month begins, my last post last night fell after midnight Greenwich Standard Time and it counts towards the month of November. So this is my second post this month, and there's 30 days in the month, so, with just 15 posts, I *really* have to start rationing. I don't anticipate being here all month, but I also don't want to run out of posts, so... The three posts a day thing is going to end. Well, actually it's been two posts the last few days, but you get what I'm saying. I have to strongly ration the amount of posts I make. If there's something important to say that I don't feel like making a voice post, I may have purpleglitter post them for me. She'll transcribe as I talk on the phone to her. It's a little more complicated to do it that way, but it may be what has to be done. I much prefer doing the phone posts. But things are looking a lot better here. I'm feeling a lot better about my care. One big issue still is that they haven't let me shave for...they didn't me shave yesterday and they still haven't let me shave today because I'm on zero sharps because I cut Sunday. And I really need to shave. I've been trying to explain, I have the right to use the woman's room. And one of their excuses was patient discomfort. So whether or not they let me shave, I'm going to still use the woman's room. I'm trying to explain to them that if I can't shave, and my facial hair starts growing out, the women in the women's room are going to be more uncomfortable, and that's going to cause more of an issue. So I'm taking the tact that this is not only about me and my appearance and my needing to shave, it's also about other patients' comfort with me, and that the comfort level of other people on the unit is going to be affected if they don't let me shave, so... Just wanted to say, our protest worked, things have improved, and hopefully I'll be out of here this week, though I can't guarantee it. My goal is to be out Friday, we'll see what happens. And hopefully I will see you on the outside some day. That is all.”

Transcribed by: [info]supremegoddess1


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Shaving Legs

Date and Time  - Jan. 5th, 2005, 11:16 am

Current Mood  - curious curious
Current Music  - mr. and mrs. squeaky chirping

Poll #413273
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Do you shave your legs?

View Answers

Yes, every day
4 (4.7%)

Yes, at least every week but not every day
23 (26.7%)

Yes, at least every month but not every week
18 (20.9%)

Yes, but infrequently
20 (23.3%)

No
21 (24.4%)



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hair legs polls shaving

No Partial

Date and Time  - Aug. 24th, 2004, 08:37 pm

Current Mood  - mellow mellow
Current Music  - fan

I missed my partial hospital program today. It was the introductory day, so I'm pretty much out of the program. I couldn't shave because my razor seems to have disappeared and I didn't have cash for a new one. After [info]purpleglitter woke up, far to late for the program, I went over to her apartment and used my razor there. Things are very busy as she moves tomorrow. [info]mazzycat has already moved back in. [info]madeleinecat moves in tomorrow.

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One Task Down

Date and Time  - Aug. 20th, 2004, 01:20 pm

Current Mood  - productive productive
Current Music  - air conditioners and fans

finished packing the books
now i'm making some mac and cheese
then i'm going to shave
head to the bank
pick up some paper towels and cleaning supplies
and head back to the [info]house_of_clocks
fun fun
at least i'm getting stuff done

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Scared

Date and Time  - Jul. 7th, 2004, 09:58 pm

Current Mood  - distressed distressed
Current Music  - fans

i'm scared
i don't want to go in
i want to change my mind
i won't drink tonight
i won't be self destructive
but i still want to do the bad things
i'm afraid i will if i don't go in
i'll do what i talked about doing
bye bye bervie
i should go in
but i can do it
maybe if i just get some pot
and stay too high to feel anything
i'll be better
drink till i can't stand up
stay blitzed out of my mind
maybe then i won't have to go in
i have lots of benzos
i could just sleep all the time
i could take them all
but i shouldn't do that
not at once
though it is tempting
i don't know what to do
[info]purpleglitter is on her way
she's going to take me in
i don't want to go
but i should
i'm scared
i don't know what to do
i want to just stay home and play with razor blades
that's what i want to do
but i know that's bad
i don't know what to do
they won't let me play with razor blades in the place
they will watch me while i shave
i don't like being in the place
but maybe i should go there
but i had plans tomorrow
but what if there isn't a tomorrow
i don't know
i'm very confused
maybe i'll go to the psych emergency room
and they'll decide to send me home
it's a possibility
i don't know what to do
i'm scared
i'm scared

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New Post

Date and Time  - Jun. 10th, 2004, 03:05 am

Current Mood  - high high
Current Music  - fans

i wrote a wonderful stream of consciousness post
it was beautiful
but i went to hit "spell check"
but instead hit "logout"
and the client i'm using doesn't ask if you want to log out
i've done this before as well
maybe it's time i get a new client
maybe try semagic again
my problem with semagic was that the new version was fucking up my mood icons
but the old version only has spell check with word
i don't have word
i need to get word
maybe the new version is fixed
i will try it

going to take this post in a different direction
i want to re-read my journal from the beginning
i want to see where i am compared to where i was
it will tell me a lot about my journal
something i want to understand
myself
i've never gone back and re-read my journal
it should be interesting
but not tonight as i must sleep soon

it was hellishly hot today
[info]purpleglitter's dying air conditioner offered a little help
but it could not handle the heat
i took three showers today
i'd rather be cool and wet than hot and dry

i've been going out without make-up
something at one point i would never have done
i became addicted to that stuff to hide the redness on my face
i get razor burn very easily
i hate that
it really effects me passing
so i wear make-up to hide it
[info]purpleglitter bought me some new shaving cream
supposed to eliminate razor burn
i've only tried it once
i need to use it several days in a row to see if it works
i don't have it at the house, so i won't be able to use it tomorrow

i thought about deleting the last section
embarrassed that i have to fix my face
but i'm not going to hide anything
i don't like to hide
i'm me
i should not be ashamed

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Passing and Shaving

Date and Time  - Apr. 8th, 2004, 11:28 pm

Current Mood  - high high
Current Music  - The Changelings - Awakening

I've become less obsessed about passing than I used to be. I, however, am still mindful of it. But I'll go a day without shaving and still go to Walgreens. Or I'll head out without makeup when I know my face is red with razorburn. I don't care as much. However, when I'm in a place I expect to be a social situation, I am still very obsessed with passing. Also, in front of my therapist.

With a few friends, I'm often able to sit and talk to them while I shave. It's a habit I picked up on the psych ward. I had to be watched shaving. I was horrified at first to have someone watch me at, what for me is a very personal moment. It's a moment I have to confront the fact that my body is incorrect. It's a moment that I must face myself. Watch myself do this. Now I let people in that space. I'm very conscious of them being there, I can't not be. I only feel comfortable shaving in front of people I trust a lot. People I'm fully sure see me for who I am, and not for my body. However, shaving is such an intimate experience, that it feels it extremely powerful to be able to share it.

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I Can Feel It

Date and Time  - Dec. 21st, 2003, 11:56 am

Current Mood  - sick sick
Current Music  - spyder meowing

i can feel my last dose of geodon wearing off
i'm twitchy
shakey
panicky
i don't like this
and i'm still sick
i'm thinking of taking some seroquel
that'll knock me out for the worst of it
i haven't been knocking myself out while i'm sick
i'm afraid that'll just make me sicker
or lead to complications i can't wake up for
like choking on my own vomit
or pneumonia
the fears may be irrational
but i have them
i must ignore them
i'm going to shave my face while i still have the requisite coordination for such an activity
-----
i don't know what to post as my mood
sick or distressed
i think i'm going to go with sick
just because that seems to go along with the previous posts

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No Baking Soda

Date and Time  - Dec. 18th, 2003, 09:52 am

Current Mood  - sick sick
Current Music  - traffic

i can't find my baking soda
i'll have to wait until [info]merryperseis wakes up
she has some in her room
i'll use it
i'm just not up to a large baking soda/sock quest right now
i'm boiling water to try to make the place more humid
it's very dry here
i need to fix my face so i can go to walgreens
but i don't feel up to that either
i'd like to sleep, but i can't find my way to slumber
i'm delirious
my head is throbbing
the world is throbbing
pulsing
angles change quickly
i'm not sure where i am
i'm typing into a window
i'm not having fun

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Twitchies

Date and Time  - Nov. 16th, 2003, 06:13 pm

Current Mood  - distressed distressed
Current Music  - traffic

i'm twitchy
i'm going to take a day off shaving
i don't need to look perfect every day
i don't need to worry about passing today
i'm not going anywhere anyone would care
i'm just going to go to [info]purpleglitter's
relax
write some poetry
i wish i wasn't so twitchy
i don't know what's wrong
i just can't get rid of the twitches
my stomach is not feeling good today either
i think my twitches effect it
i'm going to take some ativan
and try to relax
i'm not doing good
i'm having bad urges
but i'm containing them
[info]purpleglitter is going to pick me up in an hour
i'm going to get [info]merryperseis to sit with me until then
so i don't do any bad things
i don't feel good
i'm very twitchy
shakey
but i'm doing better than i was
i haven't been twitchy most of the day
just now
the last few hours
i hate the twitchies
i will be doing better later
just right now i am not good
i will try
i'm going to stay out
out of the psych ward
....
phone call
it's [info]myenergy (my mom)
gotta go

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It's Lake's Birthday

Date and Time  - Sep. 30th, 2003, 11:46 am

Current Mood  - pensive pensive
Current Music  - traffic

I walked to [info]purpleglitter's apartment at 1:00am so she didn't have to wake up alone on her birthday. It's nice that she lives in Arlington now, and I can just walk over. Especially as her car is in the shop.

-----

I forgot to bring my foundation with me, so I'm going to have to walk back home without any makeup on. I plan to play Cousin It, and cover my face with my hair. I learned that trick in the hospital, because it often would be some time before I'd get someone to watch me with sharps in the morning, so I'd have to walk around with my face unshaved. Not wanting anyone to see that, I'd cover my face with my hair. Sometimes the staff would gripe at me "Let's see your face." or "You can't walk around like that.", but I would generally ignore them.

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Swimfan

Date and Time  - May. 18th, 2003, 02:08 pm

Current Mood  - mellow mellow
Current Music  - Mazzy Star - Roseblood

[info]purpleglitter and I rented Swimfan last night. It was badly done. The most glaring mistake was the swimmers weren't shaved. If they were really swimmers they wouldn't have hairy pits. That could have been forgivable, but the writing was horrendous. Not horrendous in a funny way, horrendous in a tedious torturous way. A definite miss.

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Thick Paint

Date and Time  - Sep. 17th, 2001, 01:48 pm


Thick Paint

horrid prickly wretch
hunched over i sit
my face projects
an image i hate
my body itches
with ugliness
i can smell
rich and irony blood
only breaks the surface
little drops
here and there
i look at me
revolting
disgusting
i will remove
the prickly spines
i will cover
my hideous face
with thick paint
to hide what
the world cannot see
it is not enough
to hide
to hide
some can still see me
some know what i am
what twisted secrets
lurk behind thick paint


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