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| Shaved | ||
Instead of going to pride, I had my pussy shaved. Paddington did not like getting shaved at Doggie Styles (yes, that was the actual name of the groomers), but she was quite matty and really needed it. She'll be happier in the summer weather, too. | ||
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| Shaving Legs | ||
Poll #413273 Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All Do you shave your legs?
View Answers Yes, every day Yes, at least every week but not every day Yes, at least every month but not every week Yes, but infrequently No | ||
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| No Partial | ||
I missed my partial hospital program today. It was the introductory day, so I'm pretty much out of the program. I couldn't shave because my razor seems to have disappeared and I didn't have cash for a new one. After | ||
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| One Task Down | ||
finished packing the books now i'm making some mac and cheese then i'm going to shave head to the bank pick up some paper towels and cleaning supplies and head back to the fun fun at least i'm getting stuff done | ||
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| Scared | ||
i'm scared i don't want to go in i want to change my mind i won't drink tonight i won't be self destructive but i still want to do the bad things i'm afraid i will if i don't go in i'll do what i talked about doing bye bye bervie i should go in but i can do it maybe if i just get some pot and stay too high to feel anything i'll be better drink till i can't stand up stay blitzed out of my mind maybe then i won't have to go in i have lots of benzos i could just sleep all the time i could take them all but i shouldn't do that not at once though it is tempting i don't know what to do she's going to take me in i don't want to go but i should i'm scared i don't know what to do i want to just stay home and play with razor blades that's what i want to do but i know that's bad i don't know what to do they won't let me play with razor blades in the place they will watch me while i shave i don't like being in the place but maybe i should go there but i had plans tomorrow but what if there isn't a tomorrow i don't know i'm very confused maybe i'll go to the psych emergency room and they'll decide to send me home it's a possibility i don't know what to do i'm scared i'm scared | ||
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| New Post | ||
i wrote a wonderful stream of consciousness post it was beautiful but i went to hit "spell check" but instead hit "logout" and the client i'm using doesn't ask if you want to log out i've done this before as well maybe it's time i get a new client maybe try semagic again my problem with semagic was that the new version was fucking up my mood icons but the old version only has spell check with word i don't have word i need to get word maybe the new version is fixed i will try it going to take this post in a different direction i want to re-read my journal from the beginning i want to see where i am compared to where i was it will tell me a lot about my journal something i want to understand myself i've never gone back and re-read my journal it should be interesting but not tonight as i must sleep soon it was hellishly hot today but it could not handle the heat i took three showers today i'd rather be cool and wet than hot and dry i've been going out without make-up something at one point i would never have done i became addicted to that stuff to hide the redness on my face i get razor burn very easily i hate that it really effects me passing so i wear make-up to hide it supposed to eliminate razor burn i've only tried it once i need to use it several days in a row to see if it works i don't have it at the house, so i won't be able to use it tomorrow i thought about deleting the last section embarrassed that i have to fix my face but i'm not going to hide anything i don't like to hide i'm me i should not be ashamed | ||
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| Passing and Shaving | ||
I've become less obsessed about passing than I used to be. I, however, am still mindful of it. But I'll go a day without shaving and still go to Walgreens. Or I'll head out without makeup when I know my face is red with razorburn. I don't care as much. However, when I'm in a place I expect to be a social situation, I am still very obsessed with passing. Also, in front of my therapist. With a few friends, I'm often able to sit and talk to them while I shave. It's a habit I picked up on the psych ward. I had to be watched shaving. I was horrified at first to have someone watch me at, what for me is a very personal moment. It's a moment I have to confront the fact that my body is incorrect. It's a moment that I must face myself. Watch myself do this. Now I let people in that space. I'm very conscious of them being there, I can't not be. I only feel comfortable shaving in front of people I trust a lot. People I'm fully sure see me for who I am, and not for my body. However, shaving is such an intimate experience, that it feels it extremely powerful to be able to share it. | ||
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| I Can Feel It | ||
i can feel my last dose of geodon wearing off i'm twitchy shakey panicky i don't like this and i'm still sick i'm thinking of taking some seroquel that'll knock me out for the worst of it i haven't been knocking myself out while i'm sick i'm afraid that'll just make me sicker or lead to complications i can't wake up for like choking on my own vomit or pneumonia the fears may be irrational but i have them i must ignore them i'm going to shave my face while i still have the requisite coordination for such an activity ----- i don't know what to post as my mood sick or distressed i think i'm going to go with sick just because that seems to go along with the previous posts | ||
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| No Baking Soda | ||
i can't find my baking soda i'll have to wait until she has some in her room i'll use it i'm just not up to a large baking soda/sock quest right now i'm boiling water to try to make the place more humid it's very dry here i need to fix my face so i can go to walgreens but i don't feel up to that either i'd like to sleep, but i can't find my way to slumber i'm delirious my head is throbbing the world is throbbing pulsing angles change quickly i'm not sure where i am i'm typing into a window i'm not having fun | ||
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| Twitchies | ||
i'm twitchy i'm going to take a day off shaving i don't need to look perfect every day i don't need to worry about passing today i'm not going anywhere anyone would care i'm just going to go to relax write some poetry i wish i wasn't so twitchy i don't know what's wrong i just can't get rid of the twitches my stomach is not feeling good today either i think my twitches effect it i'm going to take some ativan and try to relax i'm not doing good i'm having bad urges but i'm containing them i'm going to get so i don't do any bad things i don't feel good i'm very twitchy shakey but i'm doing better than i was i haven't been twitchy most of the day just now the last few hours i hate the twitchies i will be doing better later just right now i am not good i will try i'm going to stay out out of the psych ward .... phone call it's gotta go | ||
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| It's Lake's Birthday | ||
I walked to ----- I forgot to bring my foundation with me, so I'm going to have to walk back home without any makeup on. I plan to play Cousin It, and cover my face with my hair. I learned that trick in the hospital, because it often would be some time before I'd get someone to watch me with sharps in the morning, so I'd have to walk around with my face unshaved. Not wanting anyone to see that, I'd cover my face with my hair. Sometimes the staff would gripe at me "Let's see your face." or "You can't walk around like that.", but I would generally ignore them. | ||
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| Swimfan | ||
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| Thick Paint | |||
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