purpleglitter and I went to Kickass Cupcakes in Davis Square on our way to Haveli (in Inman Square) last night. purpleglitter had a lucky cupcake (a cupcake with a fortune) and I had a very rummy mojito. All I can say is: delicious! Paddington gobbled up the catnip and cheese cupcake we got for her when we got home — and promptly passed out in a drugged haze. She hopes to find more of those magic cupcakes lying about.

Paddington's cupcake even had an unsearchable goldfish cracker on top of hers.

Somebody left their zero cabinet outside in somerville...

For breakfast I had faux duck ramen, for lunch I had mac and cheese with black beans, for dinner I had tomatoe soup with mozzarella cheese, and for my healthy snack I had wasabi peas.

I got in more than enough exercise in a long walk that took me down Mass Ave to a tree-lined trail along the sludge river, then over Clarendon Hill, through Teele Square, and finally to Davis where I got a french soda at the Diesel Café.

Success again. Perhaps this is lucky 13.

I did it! For breakfast yesterday I had spinach and cheese stuffed ravioli in tomatoe sauce with mushrooms and parmesan, for lunch I had spaghetti o's, for dinner I had mac and cheese, and for my healthy snack I had a pickle. I got in my exercise by walking to Davis Square. Finally. Now to see if I can repeat yesterday.

Today was beautiful and I spent a good deal of time outside, both in Davis Square and by Spy Pond. The sky was bright, the weather was mild, and the water was sparkling in Sol's brilliance. I don't think I could have asked for more perfect solstice weather.

Unlike a government, I believe an online forum is best run with a heavy handed rule, as there will always be those who will test and push blurry lines into uselessness and a place such as a LiveJournal community is too small a thing to put such a large effort into keeping that balance. I have seen many people burn out in running online groups for that very reason.

Regardless of that, I am pleased by the reaction to and distrust of any authority that I saw in davis_square, even the rejection of mine. While I may not agree with the outcomes there, I am happy the events transpired in the way they did in December. The rejection and questioning that was shown is the heart of the idea of the United States, and it gives me some hope for the future to see it so strong in Davis Square .

I went to meet scattermew at the Diesel yesterday. I got there on time, sitting along the wall towards the back. I waited for about an hour occasionally looking for her. I never saw her. Once I arrived home, I called her and asked her what happened. Apparently she was only a couple seats down from me, arriving just shortly after I did, but I never saw her. That's understandable, because while I was fine when i arrived at the diesel, I became progressively more out of it as I sat there. My looking around for her was not done efficiently because I didn't have the focus (visually or mentally) to do an efficient scan.

On my way home my cane broke in two. I knew it was going to happen soon, but it still made me much sad. I am now using the cane I'm making from the windfall branch I found by Spy Pond. I am far from done working on it, but it is all I have for now, so even in it's transitional state it will have to do. I will continue to work on it and hopefully finish the job in the near future.

These things happen, but it disheartens me because I only have a limited amount of funds and physical stamina to go out and meet people, and while I like being social I'm beginning to think that at this point it may be more trouble than it's worth.

Over the last several days, I've been going out more than I have in quite a while.

Wednesday night, zarthon took purpleglitter and I out to Uno's to celebrate purpleglitter's fabulous new job. zarthon accidentally spilt my entire Second City Whisky Sour on me as soon as it arrived, and I smelt completely like a brewery. I used the foamy handsoap in the Uno's bathroom to wash the aromatic drink off my clothing. The rest of the dinner went wonderfully and their new olde fashion tomatoe soup was quite lovely.

Thursday night, purpleglitter and I went over to iamacliche's and recoiling's apartment for a small holiday gathering. I always love hanging out with them and it is convenient that they live so close. They gave me, among other things, a turtle coprolite and a polished fiber optic piece of ulexite. I went through a phase in the early nineties that I was very into geology and rocks and minerals. I lost my entire rock and mineral collection when I was homeless, and am glad to add some nice new specimens to my very small current collection.

Friday night, I met dicotomygrrl at the Diesel Café. We shared a chocolate mint square and played a game of chess. I still remember dicotomygrrl's speech about chess at my birthday party last year, which was the last big party that has happened at the house_of_clocks. She gave me a rose, which I was hoping to put in some water when I got home, but unfortunately left in the back of Glen's van.

Last night, I went to sophiaserpentia's birthday gathering. Early on in the evening I committed a minor faux pas. I'm not sure if anyone noticed and if they did I don't know if they cared. However, I felt really bad about it. It took me a little bit to get past my embarrassment and guilt to get back into the feeling of the gathering, but once I did I had a swell time. I got to hang out with friends as well as meet a handful of new and interesting people (all on LiveJournal), including galaxygrrl, who has been on my friends list for some time but never have met in real life.

That's a whole lot of social activities in a short number of days for me. I'm used to sitting at home the majority of my evenings. I like getting out and if I can get my neurological problems taken care of and find a way to bring in a small amount of extra cash, I would like to make a regular habit of it.

I freaked out earlier about what was apparently just me reading people wrong. I went off and headed to a place in Somerville were I was going to let the commuter rail hit me. I kept blanking out on the way there, and it was very confusing. I saw two car crashes today since I got out of the psych ward. One right in front of the house_of_clocks and the other on Mass Ave in Cambridge as I was walking to Union Square. I made it as far as porter then I had a spell and ended up on the ground and skinned my knee when I fell. A couple people were asking if I was okay, but I couldn't really walk right or talk to well. I kept telling them not to call anyone, but the guy called 911 anyway. Luckily Glenn and dicotomygrrl drove by and saw me. dicotomygrrl jumped out and rushed to help me. I told her that the guy had called the cops and she said she'd help me get out of there. Glenn pulled onto a nearby side street and dicotomygrrl helped me get into the back of the van and we were gone before anybody that might take me away arrived. purpleglitter and merryperseis were very worried about me, and purpleglitter came and picked me up at the Magic Dragon and we drove around and had egg salad and went to trader joe's. I feel bad that everyone has to worry about me. I keep flipping between deep suicide death want feeling to delirious dancing mood. I think I've completely lost it. My mind has snapped. i don't want to go back to the place. They are mean there and they want to make me a zombie and they don't believe anything i say. I want to stay out. I want this rollercoaster ride to end, it's making me dizzy and it makes everyone around me worried and sad.

I was in a bad mood and didn't want to deal with anyone. I was thinking of cutting or purging or self-harming, so I did what I've learned is a very healthy activity that really helps me get through a state like that: I went for a walk. I got as far as Foodmaster up by Arlington High School. I had intended to try to reach Lexington Center again, but I was feeling quite dizzy and it was quite sticky and muggy outside, so I decided to go into the air conditioned Foodmaster.

I was walking haphazardly through the isles until store employees started questioning me if I was looking for something and if I was feeling alright. I probably did look a bit strange wandering in a daze with neither a carriage nor a basket.

I left Foodmaster and headed back towards the house_of_clocks. However, shortly after I had set out on my return trip, purpleglitter stopped behind me and meowed. I was supposed to help her look at cars, and when she found out I wasn't at home she figured I had set off on a walk and came looking for me. I hopped in and we headed off to our first stop: a 1997 Ford Escort wagon at a dealership in Winchester.

The Escort looked fine from the outside. The first hint of trouble was the odd sound the engine made when the salesperson started it. However, the real problems were found after we got into it. The ceiling was a bit damp and the air coming out of the vents had a nautical flavor. The car had taken a dip. Needless to say, the car was a no.

After we left Winchester, we picked up some hot cheese-covered breadsticks at My Brother's Place and ate them at purpleglitter's apartment and then headed out to car #2: a 1996 Buick Century from a private seller in Union Square in Somerville, just one street over from our apartment on Dane Street in the mid 1990s.

The car had some noticeable damage on the front which the owner informed us was from him hitting a deer. While the damage was large enough to cause us pause, it appeared to be only cosmetic. Another issue with the car was the passenger window that would not open.

We took the car for a test drive, and it ran smoothly. purpleglitter drove down 93 and ended up getting lost on the side streets in Boston trying to turn around. Heading back we missed our exit into Somerville. When we were approaching the FoodMaster at Clarendon Hill, I called the owner to tell him that we were running quite late due to this.

After the call, the car died, and it died in an odd way. We were sitting at a stop light and the dashboard lights got dim. Then the speedometer shot up to seventy, darted several times between 50 and 70, then every went off. By everything, I mean we didn't even have hazard lights and were were stopped on the very busy Alewife Brook Parkway at night.

Cars whizzing by, we called the owner to explain the situation. He sounded a bit annoyed, and asked if we could get the car out of the intersection. While it was bit dangerous to get out in the traffic to push the car, it would have been more dangerous to leave the car sitting there, so I got out and pushed. We parked the car on Broadway just over the Arlington Line. There we waited for the owner to arrive.

The owner arrived in an SUV with a friend of his. He sounded a bit accusatory, and wouldn't believe at first that we hadn't done something reckless to damage the car. While him and his friend were trying to get the car started, I called iamacliche and asked him if he could give us a ride back to purpleglitter's car in Union Square. He told us that he only had room for one passenger, so I walked home while he took purpleglitter to get her car. Upon finding her car, purpleglitter found a $40 parking ticket on the windshield. An extra jab from whatever mischievous spirit was amusing itself with us today.

I just got back from davis_square. purpleglitter drove me there so I could light several candles in memorial of the dead and in hope for the struggling survivors of Katrina. I wouldn't feel right buying new candles to put up, as any money I would spend on them would be better sent to the relief effort, so I used ones I had lying around the