Prince Henry's test results came back yesterday, and he got a clean bill of health. He got to fly with everyone else for the first time. Sir Dubbins freaked out and had to go back to his cage, but the budgies didn't seem mind him much. None of the budgies approached him too closely, but it was evident Skye wanted to. We're not going to have Prince Henry and Sir Dubbins out at the same time until they get a little more used to the idea of each other.

I went to a equinox dinner yesterday at lady_babalon's and sophiaserpentia's. I must say that sophiaserpentia makes the most excellent apple crisps. I was happy to see that x_bluerose_x was there to. We sat around the table and discussed what we viewed as our "harvests" this year, however I'm more planning for the spring then harvesting now. Of course, there were other topics, but that was the planned topic. I wish I could have stayed longer, but I had fun while I was there.

After leaving the equinox dinner, I went over to merryperseis's place, where I ate again. I knew that we would be having roasted cauliflower, so I intentionally ate sparingly at the early dinner. I brought her my serpent staff. I've known that my bird staff is what I'm meant to use at this point, and merryperseis told me she needed something that symbolized a serpent: so the transfer seemed right. I wanted to do it on the equinox for balance. There wasn't really any ceremony about the transfer, it was just done.

I haven't posted a picture of me in a while...


photo by purpleglitter

The weekend before last, I lost the cane that Christian had given me. I left it in the shopping cart at the Super 88 and it was gone.

This past weekend, my serpent staff broke. The cane I can brush off as being spacy when I got in purpleglitter's car, but when something happens to the serpent staff it is generally means I've strayed off course. It broke in an entirely new place than it did before - after I repair it, it will have three different sections. I lost my spiritual path of late, life has overwhelmed me.

Life has overwhelmed me because I've let it overwhelm me. I've become frustrated and impatient with things that don't matter, and have been neglecting things that do. I need to be more mindful of my thoughts, actions, and intents. I need to right my path and fix my staff.

Heading off shortly. I'm a bit worried about the possibility of falling at the airport. I've been having less vertigo episodes the last couple weeks, but I'm still having at least one severe one daily and I won't have a staff or cane with me at the airport. Most of my time at the airport will be spent sitting and if I'm sitting an episode won't be a problem, so my chances of a good trip are pretty high. Nevertheless, I'm worried. I don't want a huge hassle at the airport. Nothing I can do about it though. Qué será, será.

tagged by dan4th (changed wording):

Post 6 odd or weird habits/things/facts about you. Tag 6 people who you'd like to see do the same.

1. I regularly pick up things with my feet.

2. I speak Squirrel. Sometimes squirrels gather around me and random passersby take pictures.

3. I walk around in robes carrying a staff.

4. I do not live my life in chronological order.

5. I buy 5 gallon buckets of pickles for personal consumption.

6. I know a wide variety of obscure facts, but not as many obvious ones.

goldmourn, likeamermaid, purpleglitter, recoiling, vagrant, xhappyx

Just applied the first coat of polyurethane to the new staff. There is definitely a learning curve, and the process has gone much smoother than the last time. Properly prepared and knowing better what I'm doing, this time there was no eternal sticky and no need for flour.

In 48 hours the second coat will go on and 72 hours after that the new staff will be good to go.

I started work on a new staff/cane yesterday. My current one needs occasional maintenance, and there are many times I need a walking aid. I used a small hacksaw (the only appropriate cutting tool I have) to cut the windfallen branch down to size, peeled off the loss bark, and sanded it. Later today I plan to apply the first coat of polyurethane.

My old staff (which I may start calling my serpent staff to avoid ambiguity of which staff I'm referring to) will continue to be very special. It was a gift from the tree færies, and has come to symbolize many things for me. It is unique and cannot be replaced. The new staff is too young yet to see what if any spiritual meaning or purpose it might have or develop. But, if nothing else it will serve as a cane when I am not using the old one, which might be a good idea on many occasions simply to reduce wear.

I was quite productive yesterday, well more productive than average for me at least. In addition to my daily chores (animal care and cooking), I reglued the twine on my staff, I did a much needed load of laundry, and did an good hour of cleaning the downstairs of the house_of_clocks with recoiling.

Yeah, it's kind of pathetic what I consider a good and productive day. But, I want to surf this wave and see if it builds. After Skye's vet appointment at 3pm, I want to do some more cleaning at the house_of_clocks and do some crafting. Perhaps I'm on the verge of at least getting my surroundings and activities in order. I've been on this precipice for a long time, so I'm not going to get to carried away with optimism.

I've been having falling/dizzy spells/seizure/whatever the fuck it is issues again. I've had felt a bit more wobbly over the last week, but it's really spiked the last couple days. According to merryperseis, my eyes dilated at the beginning of the episode on the bus coming home from the North End on Friday. This does not surprise me, as one of the major symptoms of the episodes is muscle weakness and poor coordination which often makes eye focus difficult, so eye dilation would make sense. However, as this is only time eye dilation has been noted in conjunction with one of these episodes, and I would prefer it to be noted again to designate it as a symptom instead of as a coincidence.

Yesterday was much worse than Friday. My morning walk an with taiaselene was without incident. I was fine until the afternoon, which went horribly. An incident that while waxing and waning lasted for well over an hour. There was in addition another significant episode in the evening, though shorter and less severe than the afternoon one.

Of course, there is no way of really knowing where this is going and when the cycle will wane again. I am using a cane/staff again when I go out and will until this bares itself out. I will not let these episodes keep me from going for my walks and other outdoor activities. I refuse to let this control my life. Sure, that increases the chance that I might be sent to the emergency room by the unduly worried — but that just means I'll have an opportunity for a cathartic release of anger at whatever asshole doctor I get. Works for me.

recoiling and I did about 4 hours of cleaning in my room. It's not done. Many times I've made significant progress only to have my room fall back before it got to the point of being clean. However, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel this time. So close I can taste it.

I'm going to clean my sheets now. I may finish the cleaning tonight or tomorrow, and if I don't recoiling will come back and help me Thursday.

I'm giving recoiling a staff as thanks for her efforts, and after she's done we're going to polyurethane it together in the playroom. She's awesome and been so incredibly unbelievably helpful. I think that my mental state will be much improved when I truly have a livable room.

"Take also unto thee wheat, and barley, and beans, and lentils, and millet, and spelt, and put them in one vessel, and make bread of it"     -Ezekiel 4:9

purpleglitter and I picked up a loaf of Food for Life Ezekiel 4:9 bread at Trader Joe's this morning, and true to it's name that list is exactly what it contains (with only water, yeast, and sea salt added). It has to be the most delecious bread I've ever gotten from a store. Not only does it taste great, it is extremely healthyful and contains all 9 essential amino acids. We have decided to make it our standard bread.

I have been using my staff/cane to get around again. The gorilla glue works well holding it together, but fails when the staff is subjected to lateral forces. To strengthen the break in this regard, I tightly wound twine around it. I then coated the twine with wood glue to keep it from unraveling. I'm contemplating staining the twine, because it is much lighter than the rest of the staff. I have the stain, I just haven't decided if I want to.

I've been getting comments that my staff looks like a shillelagh. I have heard "Nice shillelagh." several times the past couple days. While I never intended it to be a shillelagh, the comparison is oddly pleasing to me.

I accidentally banged my staff against the curb, and in the winter's cold it snapped roughly in the same place that it broke last time. It is a reminder to keep mindful and not to take things for granted as this happens again when I am becoming lost.

I will put my staff back together again, as I have put myself back together so many times. I have again used gorilla glue, and it is setting in the playroom clamped with the færie wire. I plan to put a bolt through the fracture in the very near future to better secure it. My staff will then be a merging of the city and the wild. A unity in nature.

The gorilla glue seems to be doing a good job keeping my staff held together. I can even put my weight on it. For a long time I've had a sense that those things around me that I most considered truly mine have been broken and put back together, sometime precariously. I've always felt a connection with such things, because I have put myself back together from the shattered remnants of long ago. I remember when I was around 13 (give or take a year), I had a Commodore 64 and the floppy drive didn't work. I repaired it using rubberbands, and it worked well for many years until I got a 386. I've always felt that I'm running on rubberbands and duct tape. Now my staff is this way too. Perhaps this will serve not only to be more mindful of its care, but also to increase my connection to it and my commitment to understanding the meaning behind it.

I broke my staff. I had put it on my bed and I sat on it. I am such an idiot. I need to remember that it is just a thing. That it was mine when it needed to be mine and now maybe i don't need it. Maybe it was meant for me for a small period of time and then it is gone. Maybe something else. I haven't been meditating and praying enough. I feel like I'm slipping back into the fog of the everyday. Maybe I need to capture back that sacred space of the soul that seems to be slipping away. It is something that needs to be fought for. A constant effort. Maybe the breaking staff tells me I'm losing my way. I've made an attempt to fix the staff with gorilla glue held down by a bolt of wire i bought to make færie wings. Oddly symbolic as I've left to the faeries to supervise the mending of my gift from the færies. Maybe I should be less beating myself up over breaking the staff and looking to the symbolism of what is occurring. Find the meaning in this. There is too much here for their not to be meaning.

I haven't fallen down once since the rapture I experience a little over a week ago. Not once. Something was awakening. The unwinding of the Kundalini. I have noted much symbolic significance in what I have called my cane. It is more than a cane, it is my staff. I realize now that I did not need my staff because I had trouble walking, but that I had trouble walking because I needed my staff. Now I have found it and seen what it is, I do not need it to walk around, but I do need it for my journey. It was meant for me.

I have come to see my staff in the form of a serpent, the handle being the serpent head. The serpent is not an animal I would have picked out to associate myself with. The squirrel, the skunk, the Canadian goose, and the raccoon. Those have been the animals I have felt kinship with. But now I walk a new path. Not really new a new path, as I've always walked my path, it's just I realized before that I was walking.

----

Today is the first day I have been able to take my staff outside since I sealed it with polyurethane 6 days ago. I put the coating on it so that I would not have to worry about taking it outside in the elements. I was worried that snow and rain would take their toll on it, and it would not be long before it crumbled of rot.

Putting the polyurethane on proved to be more adventure than I had anticipated. More accurately: putting the polyurethane on the staff was easy, getting it off myself was difficult. I don't have any paint thinner, and not much else works as a solvent for polyurethane. I tried water and soap. I tried rum. My hands were sticky and the stick was spreading. The brushes I placed in a plastic bowl of soapy water and I hope that they are still able to be fully cleaned when I do get paint thinner. However, my hands and my arms were my more immediate concern and I lacked the correct solvent.

It then occurred to me that there was another approach to solve the problem. I needed the polyurethane would take hold of rather than something that would take hold of the polyurethane: flour. I worked the flour over my hands and arms and between my fingers letting it form a thick paste with the polyurethane. That paste I could then simply scrape off my skin. It worked, and I am now free of the stick of the polyurethane. I will, however, make sure I have paint thinner on hand if I try this again, so that I can do the clean-up the proper way.