I had thought of the Building 19 food section as an equivalent to the dented cans section of Stop & Shop. Not any more, that can of tomatoe soup literally tasted like stale old vomit. Absolutely disgusting. I will never buy a food item from Building 19 again.

I dumped it out and made a pot of a good can of tomatoe soup from Stop & Shop, but couldn't get the bad taste out of my mouth. Then I got worried about what might have made the first can taste like vomit and made myself throw up to reduce the amount of whatever bad I just ate. The actual vomit didn't taste nearly as bad as the first can of soup, likely because it was mixed with the good can of soup I ate.

Afterwards, I brushed my teeth and the fowl aftertaste has been greatly reduced. However, I'm still worried I didn't get enough of the bad stuff out.

This experience made me realize one good thing.: my bulimic days are so strongly enough behind me that an episode like this isn't even triggery.

For breakfast yesterday I had rotini and faux italian sausage in a jalapeño jack sauce; for lunch I had a veggie burger with cheddar; for dinner I had french bread pizza topped with faux italian sausage; for my first healthy snack I had a clementine; for my second healthy snack I had pumpkin seeds.

I got in plenty of exercise with a non-direct cigar walk to Stop & Shop.

Success.

For breakfast yesterday I had mixed pasta in a jalapeño jack and parmesan sauce, for lunch I had 1¹/₂ 7-layer burritos from Taco Bell (mmm... lettuce), for dinner I had spaghetti in a tomatoe sauce with zucchini, mushrooms, carrots, peppers and parmesan cheese. For my first healthy snack I had cashews, for my second I had a clementine. I completed my exercise quota in the form of a cigar walk to Stop & Shop.

I finally found a place that will fill my new prescription for injectable estradiol: the Stop & Shop Pharmacy in Arlington Heights. They are going to have to order it from their distributer, but that is more than anyone else was able to do. I will be able to pick them up tomorrow. Now I need to set up an appointment with the nurse that will instruct me on giving myself shots.

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My landlord actually gave me a ride to the Stop & Shop Pharmacy. I was surprised by the offer, but I took him up on it. Afterwards, he asked if I wanted to go with him to his favorite thrift store in Arlington, which is located in the basement of the Fox Library and only runs two days a week. I didn't even know it existed, so I decided to go with him. The prices were very nice and the stuff was not terribly picked through. I was able to pick up a couple nice items without spending much money.

I've been very dizzy and fally today with a smaller degree of twitchiness. I did manage to make it to dan4th's New Year's waffle party. I particularly liked dan4th's gingerbread waffles. I enjoyed being at the party and having good talkings with the people, familiar and new, that were there. When it came time to leave, dan4th offered me a ride because I had been having "dizzy" episodes off and on while at the party. I declined because I felt guilty about taking him away from the party. I didn't want to be a burden. That was a mistake on my part. I made it halfway to the bus stop from dan4h's house when I ended up on the snow the first time. Went down again across the street from the stop. And again waiting at the stop for the bus. The third time, a passerby was worried and called the authorities. Luckily I was able to get up and on a bus before they arrived. However, I had an unusually intense episode while sitting on the bus and lost consciousness. I ended up missing my stop and getting off at Stop & Shop. Stop & Shop is a 20-30 minute walk to the house_of_clocks when I'm doing well, and I didn't have enough money to get back on the bus. I used my last 50¢ to call purpleglitter and ask her for a ride home. Unfortunately she was in Braintree with zarthon and couldn't help me, so I had to walk. It was quite cold and the walk didn't begin well. Almost a half hour after I left Stop & Shop, I had ended up on the ground four times and had traversed relatively little distance. I almost ended up crying in the snow because I didn't see how I was going to make it home. However, I did end up breaking out of the episode cycle and was soon able to walk the rest of the way home largely without problem. Even so, I felt a large wave of trappedness. I don't like feeling that I cannot leave the house without depending on the assistance of others. I don't want people to feel obligated to give me a ride home every time I visit them. I'm worried that people won't want to see me because of that. I feel like I was already a burden and now I'm becoming a greater and greater one. I know that things may not remain this way, that when I see my neurologist again I might get meds that might help me. But with so much fighting, I don't have faith in the medical establishment anymore. I don't have faith things will get better. Maybe I should be more optimistic, but I can't get myself to be. I just can't.

Close but no cigar. I got in my exercise in the form of walking to Stop & Shop. For breakfast I had minestrone soup, for lunch pad thai, for dinner rice pilaf, for my healthy snack a cliff bar, for my other healthy snack olives. Two healthy snacks, not one. Almost.

I did well yesterday. For breakfast I had tomatoe soup with parmesan, for lunch cheese ravioli with tomatoe sauce, and for dinner chole kulcha with naan. Three tangerines became my healthy snack. I also got in my 30 minutes of exercise in the form of a walk to Stop & Shop. Good days make me feel good.

Yesterday for breakfast I ate white cheddar & broccoli rigatoni, for lunch: minestrone soup, for dinner: cheese ravioli with tomatoe sauce, and for my healthy snack: salted cashews. I got in my half hour of exercise by walking to Stop & Shop. Project Three Meals went perfectly yesterday.

Yesterday, at Stop and Shop, I was trying to ask purpleglitter if I should get hard candy, when I uttered "How about buttercrotch dicks?".

was at stop & shop to buy sugar
i felt really out of it
the woman at the register noticed
i almost collapsed
became non-responsive
they got me a seat
i sat down and twitched
this worried them
they kept asking me if i was pregnant
do i look pregnant?
this is the second time this week someone thought i might be pregnant
purpleglitter came in from waiting in the car
but they had already called an ambulance
i ended up at cambridge hospital
in the emergency room
they kept me there for an hour or so
did an ekg
gave me breakfast
and let me go
purpleglitter picked me up
this is getting ridiculous
am i going to end up at the hospital every time i leave the house?
i can't live like this
i'm not sure what to do

zarthon took purpleglitter and me out to Rudy's for purpleglitter's birthday dinner. I got Enchiladas Verdes sans the cheese and sour cream.

After dinner, we headed down to the Diesel Café, where we all partook of caffeinated beverages.

After the Diesel, we split up. zarthon went over Stop & Shop to get Lake's cheesecake, and purpleglitter and I went back to purpleglitter's place. Back at purpleglitter's we realized that I didn't have my meds with me. So I took purpleglitter's car back to the house_of_clocks, while purpleglitter stayed at home to wait for zarthon. I was excited about getting to drive, as I don't get to do that much.

I'm now back at purpleglitter's apartment with purpleglitter and zarthon celebrating purpleglitter's birthday with Ketel One madrasses.

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There will be a small party celebrating purpleglitter's birthday at the house_of_clocks 10:00pm Saturday.

purpleglitter took me to Stop & Shop. I bought a blood orange. I'd never seen one before, and thought it sounded interesting. It looks like an orange, only it's red and it's squishier than an orange. I haven't tasted it yet.

The woman at the register had never seen a blood orange either. She yelled to the manager to find out the code for blood oranges. I wish I was dressed in high black. Unfortunately I stood there in pastels.

purpleglitter came over late last night and spent the night. She took me to Stop & Shop after we woke up. I was very cranky at Stop & Shop after I found that the only the Progresso soups with meat in them were on sale. If you don't want dead flesh in your soup, you are required to pay full price.

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This evening, merryperseis and I watched Dancer in the Dark. It's one of my favorite movies. Björk is as good an actor as she is a singer. I decided to add the movie to my top 50 movies. Whenever I add a movie, I must also remove one. Instinct got the axe this time. Very good movie, but it just didn't make the cut. I also went ahead and did a little reordering to the list as well.

Tuesday morning, riga_mortia and I set off for Plattsburgh, New York. We got out of the house very early, and made good time to South Station. The air seemed hopeful and the prospect of leaving the city for a few days was very exciting.

Things started to go wrong when we got to the ticket counter at Greyhound. They ended up charging us a rate several hundred dollars over what they had quoted us over the phone. Not knowing of any other choice, we forked over the cash.

Quickly, I realized I had forgotten my ID. Realizing that this meant that the trip would be much more problematic, we went decided to take the next bus out, and take a taxi back to riga_mortia’s house and pick up my ID.

My ID wasn’t at her house, and we were running out of time, so we called another taxi to run back to my house, as I was sure I must have left it there.

On the way out to the taxi, riga_mortia had a nasty fall onto an evil metal thing laying on the sidewalk. She ended up with a nasty looking wound on her knee. I got our luggage together and she limped into the taxi.

My ID wasn’t at my house either. To add to the fun, we quickly discovered that riga_mortia had left her purse in the taxi.

grrldan arrived home and offered his help. And what a wonderful help he was. He patched up riga_mortia’s knee very skillfully and made us both much-needed cosmopolitans.

I decided to call the liquor store I had gone to the night before, in a last hope that it was where I lost my ID. I got on my computer to get the number for the store and found that my monitor had completely died.

grrldan looked up the number for me on his computer. However, when I called, I was told that my ID wasn’t there either.

Giving up on my ID, we called the taxi company and asked about riga_mortia’s purse. They had it and grrldan said he would give us a ride to retrieve it as well as anywhere else we needed to go. I can’t thank him enough for all the help he was to us.

riga_mortia and I figured out that it would actually be cheaper to rent a car and drive it to Plattsburgh than to take the bus, even with the 15% charge for returning the tickets. So, we called up several rental places to get a car. However, no one would rent us a car, because I don’t have a credit card or my own auto insurance (either one would have worked) and riga_mortia is under 25 and only has a permit.

We worked out a plan with katia25 (riga_mortia’s stepmother). We would wire her the money to rent a car. She would rent it, drive from Plattsburgh to Boston then drive us back up to Plattsburgh.

First thing was first, the tickets and the taxis had wiped out our cash reserves. We needed to go to my bank. As I had lost my bankcard the week before, and now didn’t have my ID, I wrote grrldan a check for the money I needed and he ran into the bank to cash it. A few minutes later, he came out and told me the people in the bank wanted to talk to me inside.

They told me that my check was suspect, because it was written out of sequence (another symptom of my absentmindedness). However, they had my signature card on file at the bank, and I was able to get the money out myself.

Next stop was Stop and Shop to wire the funds for the car. Again, grrldan came to the rescue. As the only one with an ID at that point, he had to be the one to actually send the money on its way.

After Stop and Shop, we went to the Yellow Cab office. On the journey there, we encountered a traffic jam. After waiting about 15 minutes in the baking sun, traffic began to move again, and we got riga_mortia’s purse.

Before he had to be on his way for his own scheduled activities for the day, grrldan dropped us off at the DMV so that I could get a temporary license for the trip.

When katia25 arrived, we grabbed our stuff and piled into the car. Our troubles were over, or so we thought.

We quickly got lost in Vermont. We spent a long time on the empty highways in the land of moose and bumps. After wandering and wandering, we found a hotel and asked for directions. We apparently missed our turn by an hour and a half. Instead of having to back track, we were directed on an alternative route. All in all, the 3 hour trip ended up taking more than 6, and by the time it was over both riga_mortia and I were both feeling slightly ill.

We checked into our hotel, only to find that it was a complete pit. It was more of a no-tell motel than anything else. The one redeeming quality, is that it had a rustic Bonnie and Clyde feel to it. I felt that the feds would be breaking in the door any minute.

In the morning, we carted ourselves over to the Super 8. A little more pricey, but a lot less shitty. At this point we both realized that the slightly ill we felt the night before was not going to simply go away. The slightly ill had definite plans of being more than slightly.

In the very late afternoon, we finally got over to see riga_mortia’s family. They were all very accepting and nice. I got along with all of them very well. We all got quite floopy, and Chantea (riga_mortia’s sister) got quite a bit too floopy.

katia25 dropped us off near the beach, where riga_mortia and I splashed together on the beautiful shores of Lake Champlain. It was probably the most beautiful part of the entire trip, however being wet in the chilly night air probably didn’t help us with our developing colds.

By the time we woke up the next morning, both riga_mortia and I were really feeling sick. Not only that, having spent so much time in close quarters with all the stress of the trip, we starting to get on each other’s nerves. We never yelled, but we definitely weren’t getting along very well.

Pat (riga_mortia’s dad) and katia25 took us to Ponderosa in the afternoon. I was worried there wouldn’t be anything to eat, but to my surprise the buffet had a selection of vegetarian options.

The food did not sit well with riga_mortia, who was rapidly getting more ill than me. She ended up getting sick all over the bathroom of Ponderosa. Afterwards, we went back to the hotel so she could get some rest.

In the evening, we went back to katia25’s and Pat’s house and watched The Way of the Gun with Ryan Phillippe. I enjoyed the movie, and definitely recommend it.

Back at the hotel we decided that with both of us feeling ill and the trip generally not going very well, that we should head back home Friday as originally planned, instead of Saturday morning as we had been considering.

On the ferry across Lake Champlain on the way home, I decided to take a picture of the mountains above the water. Of course, I dropped the camera. It bounced off the deck, and I watched in slow motion as it splashed into the water below. At least it wasn’t the one I had taken the pictures on earlier in the trip.

Back in Boston, I hoped that we could finally relax, but new drama has come forward. Things just don’t seem to settle down nowadays. Like the Energizer bunny, it just keeps going and going and going.

Last night was the worst Beeb night thus far on record. We had a large yelling argument before purpleglitter and I left for stop and shop. She was predictably both transphobic and homophobic. It's interesting that she somehow thinks that I care what some person with a brain pickled by decades of excessive daily alcohol and drug use thinks about me.

After we got back from stop and shop, we cranked up the music. After much yelling back and forth, Beeb called the police about the music. The police told her that as it was before 11:00pm, they could do nothing. Much yelling again ensued.

At 11:00, I turned the music down to a legal volume. Loud enough to annoy a roommate right down the hall, but not so loud as to be heard by any neighbors. Of course, at 11:00pm, Beeb called the police again about the music. They came out. Beeb, being embarrassingly trashed, didn't come out of her room to talk to the police. The officers accepted that the music was at a legal volume, and that we should work it out amongst ourselves. Much yelling again ensued after the police left.

Beeb attempted, rather pathetically, to overflow the tub. Then the sink. From a neutral observers point of view, it her drunken ineptness would have been amusing, but from my point of view, it was annoying.

15 minutes later, Beeb called the police again about the music. They didn't come. So she called them again. They didn't come. She then came into our room and broke purpleglitter's favorite lamp. This time we both called the police.

The police refused to listen about the broken lamp, but made threats to me about the music. Beeb kept motioning to the police in a manor to show I was ridiculous. She had said previously that the police would pay less attention to me because I was a "dick in a skirt", and in some ways she right. The police in this country are far more less likely to listen to a transsexual. They refused to take any report about the broken lamp, threatened to arrest me if they were called again and left.

We turned the music down and went to sleep. I was far to angry to sleep, so I took 200mg of seroquel. Enough to knock me out, not enough to know me out for days. I wish that burnt out drunken hag would just leave already.