I've been thinking about quantum immortality and how, if true, it could be used to manipulate one's experienced universe. For example, entity X cannot live without entity Y, so entity X creates a device that will insure their death if entity Y should die. From entity X's point of view, no outcome where entity X themselves die can occur -- as a result entity Y will never die in entity X's experienced universe.

With such trigger devices it would be able to manipulate an experienced universe to the desires of the experience. The trigger devises would have to be infallible, and that is quite a large hurdle to clear for any wholesale manipulation. Imperfect, though perhaps satisfactory, results might be found if the trigger device is significantly less probable to fail than the desired event is to not happen. Of course if the quantum immortality hypothesis is incorrect, the trigger devices will simply kill the user.

The more I think about it, the more I know Rob killed himself. Over the past couple years, I've found myself repeatedly looking at his last entry, trying to make sense of it. Or perhaps, trying to avoid making sense of it. He rode his bike off that cliff intentionally. He felt dead when he was alive. He wanted to be alive, and thought death was the only way to accomplish that. I hope he found what he was looking for.

I miss him.

swiped from dan4th:

another year I thought that the version of PhotoShop that came with Orac (the name I have given to the used computer purpleglitter recently bought me) was the scaled down version, unlike the professional version on Clementine. I woke up well this morning and was hoping for a very productive Project Schedule. Skye is egg bound with a soft shell egg. sometimes the only thing that makes death unappealing is that I do not believe it ends existence. dan4th took a couple pictures of me in the sunlight last weekend. Take also unto thee wheat, and barley, and beans, and lentils, and millet, and spelt, and put them in one vessel, and make bread of it. I thought that I could not be any more disgusted by the Bush administration, but his response to the Israeli assault on Lebanon has proved me wrong. I've improved some of my old userpics. I had a great time this evening celebrating purpleglitter's birthday with zarthon, recoiling, and of course purpleglitter. The paste of purity has run its course and I have scrubbed it off the wall of corruption. Yesterday, President Bush told Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki, "This business about graceful exit just simply has no realism to it at all."

i realize i can't make myself disappear.
the events of this morning tell me i am needed
again
as if joining the choir
i do not think i can leave
however much tempting that is
i am bound here
by thread i dare not break

i'm going to disappear slowly from everything
untangling the web
so that i might fly free without disturbing that which i hold dear

A 50-year-old woman filed a federal lawsuit against Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center yesterday, saying she was forcibly undressed by five male security guards there last year after she refused a nurse's order to take off her clothes. The incident, which hospital officials have defended as necessary to make sure the woman was not hiding drugs or weapons, triggered flashbacks to childhood sexual abuse, according to the woman, Cassandra Sampson. She alleged in the suit that her civil rights were violated under the Americans with Disabilities Act, because hospital officials made no effort to protect her from psychological damage. Sampson said she went to the hospital for treatment of a severe migraine headache, but was moved to a psychiatric unit when she admitted struggling with self-destructive impulses. She said she pleaded to be allowed to keep at least her pants on before the strip search, but the nurse refused. ``Go ahead and rape me; everybody else has," Sampson said she cried out as the guards unbuckled her pants and removed them. ``They left me there with my underwear showing and my johnny up to my chest . . . I was crying, and [the nurse] said, `That's what you get for not listening to me.' " In a letter to Sampson, hospital officials said they were sorry she had such a terrible experience, but stood by their strict policy of searching psychiatric patients for their own benefit. ... A spokeswoman at UMass Memorial Medical Center in Worcester said the hospital never asks psychiatric patients to undress on arrival. If they suspect the patient may be dangerous, security guards perform a clothed pat-down search. Dr. Maggie Bennington-Davis led a successful effort to stop strip searches of psychiatric patients at Salem Hospital in Oregon in 2003. ``We can't be hauling people in here and be doing more harm to them," she said. ``It's very clear that a strip search retraumatizes them." ... Sampson hadn't intended to go to Beth Israel's emergency room on March 25, 2005, according to the lawsuit. But it was a weekend, and her primary care physician said the ER would be the best place to get help for severe migraine headaches that had persisted for three days. However, as soon as Sampson told a nurse that she took psychiatric medications and that she had been battling impulses to hurt herself that week, the nurse said she would need a psychiatric evaluation. Nurse Heather A. Richter then told Sampson that she would need to completely undress, according to the lawsuit. full article

This is absolutely disgusting. How in the world could Beth Israel's staff think it was in any way appropriate to have 5 male security guards rip off a woman's clothing? This story not only illustrates the dangers of being admitted into psych hospital for victims of sexual assault or abuse, it also illustrates the dangers of telling the wrong person about your feelings and thoughts. Note that Sampson only had thoughts of self harm, not suicide. Her life was NOT at risk. Psych wards are at most about safety nowadays. She did not need the babysitting of a hospital and she definitely did not need to be further traumatized. It was only a panicky nurse that caused her to end up there, this did not need to happen at all.

Poll #742031
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Which of the following do you think has a high likelihood of occurring on Tuesday (06/06/06)?

Imagine: you are a foot soldier in a paramilitary group whose purpose is to remake America as a Christian theocracy, and establish its worldly vision of the dominion of Christ over all aspects of life. You are issued high-tech military weaponry, and instructed to engage the infidel on the streets of New York City. You are on a mission - both a religious mission and a military mission -- to convert or kill Catholics, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, gays, and anyone who advocates the separation of church and state - especially moderate, mainstream Christians. Your mission is "to conduct physical and spiritual warfare"; all who resist must be taken out with extreme prejudice. You have never felt so powerful, so driven by a purpose: you are 13 years old. You are playing a real-time strategy video game whose creators are linked to the empire of mega-church pastor Rick Warren, best selling author of The Purpose Driven Life. The game, slated for release by October 2006 in advance of the Christmas shopping rush, has been previewed at video game exhibitions, and reviewed by major newspapers and magazines. But until now, no fan or critic has pointed out the controversial game's connection to Mr. Warren or his dominionist agenda. ... According to Mr. Warren, the establishment of this earthly kingdom requires "foot soldiers." As part of his plan, Mr. Warren said he would encourage laypeople to "adopt" needy villages overseas in order to plant churches, expand business opportunities, educate children, influence governments, and overthrow corrupt political leaders, whom he described as "little Saddams." Mr. Warren said his purpose is to enlist "one billion foot soldiers for the Kingdom of God" in the developing world. And the stadium crowd roared its approval. Celebrants included Paul Kagame, the president of Rwanda, a tiny east African country that lost hundreds of thousands of people when it suffered genocide in 1994. Catholic and Protestant clergy have been convicted in connection with that genocide. Yet Mr. Kagame announced that he would allow Mr. Warren to turn his country into the first purpose driven nation. The following month, 16 Rwandan religious leaders arrived in Orange County to begin religious training at Saddleback Church. Mr. Warren has said that his global initiative was developed "underground" and in "stealth". Presumably, this was done with the assistance of Mr. Carver, who directs the Purpose Driven Church in all its activities outside North America. full article

I hear time and time again the Islam is the religion of violence. Islam is the religion that endangers the world. The only reason the fundamentalist Christians have not resorted to terrorism more then they have (and, yes there have been plenty of terrorist attacks by fundamentalist Christians) is that they often have access to more "acceptable" avenues to pursue their agenda, as carpet bombing civilian populations with white phosphorus is deemed more acceptable than a suicide attack. If fundamentalist Christians lose their political prestige you can expect a series of terrorist attacks from their ranks. "Last Days Crusade" would be a likely organizational name.

I'm not saying all Christian are violent, the same as not all Muslims are violent. What I am saying is that Christianity holds no moral high ground over Islam. Both have factions that want to kill all the infidels. Fundamentalism is the problem, not any particular religion.

I had a terrible time getting off antipsychotics, the withdrawals were so nasty it would have been helpful to be in a rehab clinic for them except rehab clinics don't take patients addicted to antipsychotics.

Sedatives like Ativan or Klonopin can very tempting when experiencing antipsychotic withdrawals, and patients prescribed antipsychotics are often prescribed sedatives as well. However, I found that more often than not sedatives led to a state where I was so tired I was barely able to move but still could not sleep because of the withdrawals. This state was much worse than going through the withdrawals without the sedatives.

I've seen far too many people fall into this sedative trap while withdrawing from antipsychotics and what often ends up happening is they take more and more sedatives until they actually do fall asleep. But by that time they've taken a lot more sedatives than they should have and someone ends up finding them and calling an ambulance. In the emergency room labeled an "attempted suicide", given charcoal, and sent off to a psych hospital where they are readministered antipsychotics. While they attempt to explain to the staff that suicide was not the motivation in taking the sedatives, their explanations are inevitably dismissed. Sometimes they are actually manipulated into thinking they must have meant to kill themselves even though they don't remember wanting to.

My particular battle was with Geodon, but this scenario can play out with users of virtually any antipsychotic drugs including Abilify, Risperdal, Zyprexa, and Seroquel. Breaking antipsychotic addiction is not easy, but being armed with knowledge can help tremendously.

I'm lucky to be alive. I mean that in the most real sense.

I'm lucky. I'm so fucking lucky that it's practically unbelievable.

I lived in my car and then on the street when I was constantly losing time and I somehow managed not to get killed. In fact, I was still able to use my wits to l get out of several situations where that was a likely outcome.

I was completely lost, and didn't really have anyone close to me for most of that time. If I had fallen in close with a junkie, I would have become a heroin addict. I would have done just about any drug that was put in front of me at that point. But somehow, I managed to avoid getting an addiction.

My luck didn't stop or start there. I was severely burned as a child, but not only survived but miraculously avoided serious burns to my face. My roommate on the burn unit, Alfonso, was not so lucky, he didn't make it.

I lost a lot of time and almost flunked out of high school. But I made it through by the skin of my teeth. I passed without turning in most of my homework. Somehow. Graduated 313th out of 317 students.

I fell in with purpleglitter and her friends, who took me off the street and gave me the means of learning the skills that lead to my short stretch of decent employment which in turn has allowed me to collect ssdi instead of ssi.

Being able to get assistance without ending up again on the street is another stroke of luck. And at this point, my still having a place to live is astounding.

And I'm still here to live in it. I've tried to kill myself too many times, and came very close to succeeding on a few occasions. But I'm still here. Somehow.

I have seen my share of bad things and been my share of bad places, but I am blessed. It's utterly amazing that things turned out so well for me. I'm so very incredibly lucky. I feel I must have one of those guardian angels like the characters that won't die regardless of how much you shoot at them on Star Trek.

sometimes the only thing that makes death unappealing is that I do not believe it ends existence.

Why do I care?

It's not like anything is real anyway.

I am not of this world.

This is not my place.

There have been times I have allowed myself to believe is my home.

But it never was and I've never truly been here.

The eyes I look through are distant from me.

They are windows to a place apart.

What purpose is there in visions lost?

I no longer see the light.

I wonder ever there ever actually was a light.

Or if it too is an illusion.

Through the winds, my queen calls for me.

Home.

Far away.

All forgotten still.

Echoes of what never was.

About 2 a.m. one sleepless night, sophomore Jordan Nott checked himself into George Washington University Hospital. He was depressed, he said, and thinking about suicide. Within a day and a half of arriving there, he got a letter from a GWU administrator saying his "endangering behavior" violated the code of student conduct. He faced possible suspension and expulsion from school, the letter said, unless he withdrew and deferred the charges while he got treatment. In the meantime, he was barred from campus. "It was like a stab in the back," he said. He felt they were telling him, "We're going to wipe our hands clean of you." His response has college administrators around the country taking notice: Nott sued the university and individuals involved. The school violated federal law protecting Americans with disabilities, the complaint argues. The law covers mental as well as physical impairments. In essence, it says the school betrayed him by sharing confidential treatment information and suspending him just when he most needed help. full article

The school claims that their policies are designed to "keep both individuals and the community safe". But, how exactly does this policy keep the suicidal student safe? It would seem to me that kicking them out of school would increase their suicide risk. How does this keep the community safe? Jordan Nott posed no threat to the community around him, the only person at any point that he would have posed a threat to was himself. This is obviously solely about avoiding liability, however through their misguided actions the school administrators seem to have earned themselves a truckload of it.

This is yet another outcropping of invasive psychiatry. There are two lessons George Washington University is teaching here:

1) If you are a student and feeling suicidal: do not confide in psych professionals, it could seriously screw with your entire life.

2) If a friend of yours confides in you that they are feeling suicidal: help them out, but do not rat them out.

Fuck everything. I can't ever be a good person. I want to die, but instead I took lots of drugs that WILL NOT kill me. I don't really care. I constantly fuck up. It's all my fault. I drag everything in together. I wish people would just leave me be. I want to take my next check and just leave Boston, and I think I will. Boom-zoom. Outta here. I don't want to know anyone. I want to live alone an do lots of drugs. I know there is the beauty there, but I am so far away from it this minute. How fast everything can spiral down. I just want go away now. I don't want to ever return. I hurt people even though I try to help. I was doing so much better. Now it is all gone. I know this is part of whatever is meant for me. I don't get it. Please. I don't get it. I'm trying. I'm trying really hard. Look at me smile. The universe is a beautiful place. Yes it is. Look at me smile. Fuck everything.

Do you agree or disagree with each of the following statements?

Poll #661241
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Abortion should be legal.

Gun ownership should be considered a basic right.

Psychiatric medication should not be administered without consent.

Marijuana should be legal.

Porn degrades women.