I had thought of the Building 19 food section as an equivalent to the dented cans section of Stop & Shop. Not any more, that can of tomatoe soup literally tasted like stale old vomit. Absolutely disgusting. I will never buy a food item from Building 19 again.

I dumped it out and made a pot of a good can of tomatoe soup from Stop & Shop, but couldn't get the bad taste out of my mouth. Then I got worried about what might have made the first can taste like vomit and made myself throw up to reduce the amount of whatever bad I just ate. The actual vomit didn't taste nearly as bad as the first can of soup, likely because it was mixed with the good can of soup I ate.

Afterwords, I brushed my teeth and the fowl aftertaste has been greatly reduced. However, I'm still worried I didn't get enough of the bad stuff out.

This experience made me realize one good thing.: my bulimic days are so strongly enough behind me that an episode like this isn't even triggery.

From the The Universal Household Assistant or What Every One Should Know (1884):

Worms — treatment of. — Some members of the profession still cling with bull-dog tenacity to the opinion that worms do not affect the health of children, and that they are natural to them. The latter may or may not be true, but when they accumulate in the intestines, they produce the same disturbance that any foreign, indigestible substance would do. We find the picking of the nose, swollen lower eye-lids, restlessness in sleep, groaning, gritting teeth, starting, and lastly, spasms.    Worms kill more children than teething*; and when you find the above symptoms with a strawberry tongue and a fever, which will attack several times daily, going off as frequently in cold sweats, you can swear that you have a case of worms, and had as well prepare and attack them.    Now as to the best means of getting rid of them. I use the fluid extract of senna and spigelia in teaspoon doses for patients of eight or ten years of age, and less in proportion, night and morning, for three nights and days, following this up each morning with a good dose of castor oil, provided the senna and spigelia does not act. Then wait three days, and again institute the same proceedings, and for the same length of time.    This treatment is for the lumbricoid. For the oxyuris, or "thread worm," I see any bitter infusion by enema, sulph, quinine, followed by an enema of common salt and milk-warm water half an hour afterward, which will destroy and expel them.    The symptoms of the presence of the worm are the same as the scratching of the anus. If every practitioner will use these he will be gratified by the restoration to immediate health of many a little sufferer, who would otherwise linger in sickness for many months and perhaps eventually die.    Worms in Horses — to cure. — A remedy for worms in a horse which has never failed of a cure is to take half a cup of pure, hard wood ashes, finely sifted and mixed dry with the mash or food. If one dose should not prove sufficient, repeat it after a day or two.    Worm Lozenges. — Powdered lump sugar, ten ounces; starch, five ounces; mix with mucilage; and to every ounce add twelve grains of calomel; divide into twenty grain lozenges. Dose, two to six.    Worm Medicines. — 1. Two tablespoonfuls of pumpkin seeds peeled and pulverized, or given to a child who will chew fine. The seed does not kill, but stupefies the worm. The next day give castor oil or any other cathartic, and if the worms are present in the system they will pass off.    2. Make an infusion in the proportion of one pint of boiling water to one ounce of dried hyssop flowers; let it stand ten minutes; pour it off into a wine bottle, and take a wine-glass, or rather less, according to age, two or three times a day.

* Teething was thought to be a common cause infant mortality in the 19^th century, however most "teething deaths" were actually caused by opium poising from the opium and morphine teething infants were treated with.

Going through my one of my cavernous closets, I found my wisdom teeth I had taken out in the late 1990's. They look a bit old, and the crusted blood has turned to a greyish powder. I had my wisdom teeth out the same time docbrite had theirs out, and being the bizarre goth thing I was I sent them what must have been a very creepy email with a picture of me, a picture of my teeth, and an offer to swap teeth. Of course, I never received a reply.

I found many other things as well. An old valentine from purpleglitter, a mid-nineties mac powerbook named "Like Butta", various mementos, a picnic basket, two air conditioners (one alive, one dead), ancient sheet music, seeds, and just too much interesting, strange, and downright random stuff to make a list here. I wonder what I'll find when I really begin to plunge into the depths.

I'm lucky to be alive. I mean that in the most real sense.

I'm lucky. I'm so fucking lucky that it's practically unbelievable.

I lived in my car and then on the street when I was constantly losing time and I somehow managed not to get killed. In fact, I was still able to use my wits to l get out of several situations where that was a likely outcome.

I was completely lost, and didn't really have anyone close to me for most of that time. If I had fallen in close with a junkie, I would have become a heroin addict. I would have done just about any drug that was put in front of me at that point. But somehow, I managed to avoid getting an addiction.

My luck didn't stop or start there. I was severely burned as a child, but not only survived but miraculously avoided serious burns to my face. My roommate on the burn unit, Alfonso, was not so lucky, he didn't make it.

I lost a lot of time and almost flunked out of high school. But I made it through by the skin of my teeth. I passed without turning in most of my homework. Somehow. Graduated 313th out of 317 students.

I fell in with purpleglitter and her friends, who took me off the street and gave me the means of learning the skills that lead to my short stretch of decent employment which in turn has allowed me to collect ssdi instead of ssi.

Being able to get assistance without ending up again on the street is another stroke of luck. And at this point, my still having a place to live is astounding.

And I'm still here to live in it. I've tried to kill myself too many times, and came very close to succeeding on a few occasions. But I'm still here. Somehow.

I have seen my share of bad things and been my share of bad places, but I am blessed. It's utterly amazing that things turned out so well for me. I'm so very incredibly lucky. I feel I must have one of those guardian angels like the characters that won't die regardless of how much you shoot at them on Star Trek.

I didn't notice that my salsa bottle had broken until I realized I was munching on broken glass. I'm sure I swallowed at least a few shards (most likely <1cm long), as I am picking tiny bits of glass from between my teeth and gums. I ate some Metamucil cookies to cushion the journey of the shards through my digestive tract.

Mmmm... extra crunchy.

I posted these two icons quite a while ago to creepy_icons and darkicons. I didn't post them here because I thought they might be too disturbing some of the readers of my journal. However, I have decided to go ahead and post.

    

took madeleinecat to the vet yesterday
she had just gotten in a fight with spyder right before i had to put her into the carrier
she was hiding under the bed afraid (spyder is a much bigger cat)
i had to pull her out from under the bed
in doing so she attacked my hand and gave me many bites and scratches
madeleinecat had the amazing ability to transform form a cute cuddly cat into a angry ball of fangs and claws
she preformed this feat for the vet as well
the vet put her in a net to give her her shot
he didn't want to handle her
she was very pet cemetery cat
but she's going to be all better
found out she has an infection on her belly (already guessed that), has arthritis, and doesn't have ear mites
i just have to give her her medicine every day
that should be an adventure

My forehead has developed an odd rash. An upsidedown red "V", right in the middle. Perfectly formed and perfectly placed. I have also developed a very deep shadow under each of my eyes. Together with my pointy eyebrows, natural fangs, and somewhat pointed ears, I look like The Transsexual from Planet X.

Scrying into the strobe light didn't help much. Only saw teeth and fingernails.

Pulled out the tarot deck. Cut it, and asked "What should I do?". I pulled Death. I know Death usually means change, but under tonights weirdnesses it's a bit scary.

A week ago, I found a book in my closet that I had never seen before. Printed in 1884, it is entitled The Universal Household Assistant or What Every One Should Know. It's "a cyclopedia of practical information" and has subjects listed in alphabetical order. Following are some of my favorite entries:

Cancer — cure. — Take the blossoms of red clover and make tea of them, and drink freely. It will cure cancer in the stomach as well as on the surface.    Choking — ways to relieve. — Do not lose an instant. Force the mouth open with the handle of a knife or of a long spoon; push the thumb and fingers deep down into the throat beyond the root of the tongue, and feel for the foreign body. If the obstruction cannot be grasped, a hair pin bent into a hook and guided by the left hand will often bring it out. If this fails, get someone to press against the front of the chest or support it against the edge of a table, and strike several hard, quick blows with open hand on the back between the shoulder blades. Further treatment must be applied by a physician, who should have been immediately sent for    2. To prevent choking, break an egg into a cup and give it to the person choking, to swallow. The white of the egg seems to catch around the obstacle and remove it. If one egg does not answer the purpose, try another. The white is all that is necessary.    3. A smart blow with the flat of the hand on the back just below the neck will often relieve the windpipe. If it does not, send for the doctor at once.    4. Foreign bodies lodged in the throat can be removed by forcibly blowing into the ear. The plan is so easily tried and so harmless that we suggest its use.    Dentists' Nerve Paste. — 1. Arsenic, one part; rose pink, two parts. To destroy the nerve apply this preparation on a pledget of cotton, previously moistened with creosote, to the cavity of the tooth, let it remain four hours, then wash out thoroughly with water.    2. Arsenous acid, thirty grains; acetate of morphia, twenty grains; creosote, quantity sufficient for paste. Mix.    Embalming — new method of. — Mix together five pounds dry sulphate of alumine, one quart of warm water, and one hundred grains arsenious acid. Inject three or four quarts of this mixture into all the vessels of the human body. This applies as well to all animals, birds, fishes, etc. This process supercedes the old and revolting mode, and has been introduced into the great anatomical schools of Paris.    Guano — home-made. — Save all your fowl manure from sun and rain. To prepare it for use, spread a layer of dry swamp muck (the blacker it is the better) on your barn floor, and dump on it the whole of your fowl manure; beat it into a fine powder with the back of your spade; this done, add hard wood ashes and plaster of Paris, so that the compound shall be composed of the following proportions: Dried muck, four bushels; fowl manure, two bushels; ashes, one bushel; plaster, one and one-half bushels. Mix thoroughly, and spare no labor; for, in this matter, the effort expended will be well paid for. A little before planting, moisten the heap with water, or, better still, with urine; cover well over with old mats, and let it lie till wanted for use. Apply it to beans, corn, or potatoes, at the rate of a handful to a hill; and mix with the soil before dropping the seed. This will be found the best substitute for guano ever invented, and may be depended on for bringing great crops of turnips, corn, potatoes, etc.    Hysterics — cure for. — The fit may be prevented by the administration of thirty drops of laudanum, and as many of ether. When it has taken place open the windows, loosen the tight parts of the dress, sprinkle cold water on the face, etc. A glass of wine or cold water when the patient can swallow. Avoid excitement and tight lacing.    Mites in Cheese — to destroy. — 1. These are at all times better avoided than destroyed, for when they have become very numerous they do a great deal of damage in a short time. To avoid mites the best plan seems to be to leave the cheese exposed to the air, and to brush it occasionally; some prefer wrapping the cheese in a buttered paper, but the former plan, we think is the best. When mites have become very numerous, they may be killed by suspending the cheese by a piece of wire or string, and dipping it for a moment into a pail of boiling water. The boiling water will kill all the mites, and do no harm to the cheese unless it is left in too long.    2. Cheese kept in a cool larder or cellar, with a cloth rung out of clean, cold water constantly upon it, will never have mites in it, or if it has, this will soon destroy them, and also greatly improve the cheese, keeping it always moist.    Nitrous Oxide, or Laughing Gas. — Take two or three ounces of nitrate of ammonia in crystals and put it into a retort, taking care that the heat does not exceed five hundred degrees; when the crystals begin to melt, the gas will be produced in considerable quantities. The gas may be also produced, though not so pure, by pouring nitric acid, diluted with five or six times it [sic] weight of water, on copper fillings or small pieced of tin. The gas is given out till the acid begins to turn brown; the process must then be stopped.    Opium and its Uses. — Opium is a stimulant, narcotic, and anodyne. Used externally, it acts almost as well as when taken into the stomach, and without affecting the head of causing nausea. Applied to irritable ulcers in the form of tincture, it promotes their cure and allays pain. Clothes dipped in a strong solution, and applied over painful bruises, tumors, or inflamed joints, allays pain. A small piece of solid opium stuffed into a hollow tooth relieves toothache. Two drops of the wine of opium dropped into the eye acts as an excellent stimulant in bloodshot eye, or after long-continued inflammation, it is useful in strengthening the eye. Applied as a liniment, in combination with ammonia or oil, or with camphorated spirit, it relieves muscular pain. When combined with oil of turpentine, it is useful as a liniment in spasmodic colic. Used internally, it acts as a very powerful stimulant, then as a sedative, and finally as an anodyne and narcotic, allaying pain in the most extraordinary manner, by acting directly upon the nervous system.    In acute rheumatism it is a most excellent medicine, when combined with calomel and tartarate of antimony; but its exhibition requires the judicious care of a medical man.    Doses of the various preparations. — Confection of opium, from five grains to half a dram; extract of opium, from one to five grains (this is a valuable form, as it does not produce so much after-derangement of the nervous system as solid opium); pills of soap and opium, from five to ten grains; compound ipecacuanha powder (Dover's powders), from five to twenty grains, compound kino powder, from five to twenty grains; wine of opium, from ten minim to one dram.    Caution. — Opium is a powerful poison when taken in too large a quantity, and therefore should be used with extreme caution.    Sealing-wax (Red). — Shellac (very pale), four ounces; cautiously melt in a bright copper pan over a clear charcoal fire; when fused, add Venice turpentine, one and one-fourth ounces. Mix, and further add vermilion, three ounces; remove the pan from the fire, and pour into a mold. For a black color, use ivory black, or lampblack, instead of the vermilion; for a blue color, use Prussian blue, instead of vermilion, same quantity. Each color must be well mixed with the composition; of the lampblack, use only sufficient to color.    Small-pox — cure for. — A physician writes: I am willing to risk my reputation as a public man, if the worst case of small-pox cannot be cured in three days simply by cream of tartar. This is a never-failing remedy: One ounce of cream of tartar, dissolved in one pint of boiling water, to be taken when cold. Dose, two tablespoonfuls every two hours. It is also a preventive; dose, as before, three times a day. It has cured thousands, never leaves a mark, never causes blindness, and avoids tedious lingering.    Soup for Invalids. — Raw beef, on account of its ready digestibility, is often prescribed for invalids. Of late, European physicians have found the use of what we may call raw soup of great utility when given to patients much reduced by fevers. This soup, first proposed by Liebig, is made from finely chopped beef or fowl, recently killed. Half a pound of this meet [sic] is added to a pint and a half of distilled water (pure rain water, filtered, will answer), four drops of pure muriatic acid are added, and a teaspoonful of salt, or enough to suit the taste. After standing an hour, the whole is thrown upon a hair sieve (a flannel bag will do as well) to separate the liquid. If the first liquid which passes through is muddy, it is poured back into the strainer until what runs off is quite clear. When the liquid ceases to run, half a pint of water is added, in small quantities at a time, to the flesh in the strainer. The yield will be about a pint of a reddish colored liquid, tasting like soup, which is to be given cold, a cupful at a time, or in such quantities as the patient desires. It is claimed that this soup contains the nutritive principles of the meat not changed by heat, as they are in cooking, and that they are part ready digested by the muriatic acid, and that it is suited to the weakest digestive organs. If the red color and somewhat fleshy odor are objected to, the one may be disguised by caramel (burnt sugar) and the other by a little wine. The soup spoils readily, and in warm weather must be kept on ice.    Tape Worm. — To expel this parasite, take equal parts of tincture assafoetida and tincture absinthii, in teaspoonful doses, night and morning. No fasting is necessary.

I went to the Lesbian Avengers tonight. Tonight was the first fire eating night for this year. Max thought those of us who stayed around to learn to eat fire. Each time, before we eat fire, we say "The fire will not consume us. We take the fire and make it our own". The whole exercise is about a person who was burnt alive for being queer. The saying symbolizes that we will take hate, transform it, and build something positive from it

The kerosine flame looked really intimidating. In fact, the first time I tried, I put it inside my mouth, held it there, but couldn't close my teeth over it. But on the second try, I was able to eat it. It felt so empowered after eating the fire. I was beaming. I could see in the other first-time fire eaters' faces the same empowered self-amazement after eating fire. It was wonderful. And the third try felt just as amazing. Facing the fear of putting a large flame into my mouth, then closing my mouth over the flame, is such a mental boost. I'm still shocked that I did it. It's been a couple hours, and I'm still am amazed every time I say in my head, "I ate fire". I can't wait to practice again next week!