If you use X to insult someone, you aren't just insulting that person — you are insulting X. You are saying that X is something worthy of being insulted. It doesn't matter if you think they are a horrible person. If you don't think that X is something horrible about them, then insult the reasons you do think they are horrible.

I've seen far too many homophobic, racist, misogynistic, misandristic, transphobic, sizeist, anti-disabled and anti-semitic slurs "justified" by assertions that person being insulted doesn't personally deserve respect or that they fit some bad stereotype. Use something as an insult and you are saying that it is something worth of admonishment. Your words can say a lot more about what you think than you intend them to.

Yesterday morning, purpleglitter and I got up early to pick up the two cutest English budgies. The rusty cage they were in sucked and there were two cats there were being allowed batting at their tail feathers, but the had each other and to their former owner's credit, they had insisted they not be separated in their craigslist ad. They are so obviously bonded, they are snuggled up against each other more often then they are not. We are calling them Statler and Waldorf.


( +1 )

-----

Statler and Waldorf home safe and sound, I had to head out to my endocrinology appointment, which went well. It is obvious that my endocrinologist is still not entirely comfortable with me being off psychiatric medication and not in therapy, even though it has been years and I'm doing fine. At least at this point she no longer suggests I go back to either. She did, however, suggest I see my primary care provider. I won't, I don't trust my pcp anymore. However, my endo let slip the name of a primary care doctor popular who is popular with her trannie patients that I'm going to check out switching to.

-----

After they got done taking my blood, I went over to see Ila. She has been teaching me Telugu script, though the words we've been going over have been Sanskrit. This week I need to practice writing conjunct consonants. I think the script is beautiful and am grateful for the opportunity to attempt to learn it. Ila seems to enjoy showing it to me — which is good, otherwise she probably wouldn't.

Dear Human Rights Campaign:

Congratulations on getting ENDA through the House of Representatives. I forgave you the last time you betrayed the transgender community. Many of us did. We believed that your organization had changed. We gave you the benefit of the doubt. We were wrong and we won't make that mistake again.

If by some chance you manage to get the trans-excluded ENDA through the senate, President Bush is almost guaranteed to veto it. You sold out the transgender community for nothing. Nothing. You are not going to get ENDA &mdash all your going to get is a split and angry queer community, a queer community in which many do not and cannot support you, a queer community in which many actively despise and oppose you. That is what you've won, enjoy your spoils.

By the way, I fixed your logo for you. You should really consider changing it:

I met with the psychiatrist from cambridge hospital today. It was nice to have a even-keeled dialog with a psychiatrist. I wasn't a patient, i was just discussing the system. And it felt like he was actually listening. Not just about transgendered topics and my experiences on Cahill 3, but to a wide variety of my criticisms of the psych system. I know that I've been fairly anti-psychiatry in my writings, and I haven't changed my views. I still oppose psychiatry as it is generally practiced today, however I have always thought that psychiatry could be a good thing. This sort of open dialog between consumers and providers is exactly what is needed to make psychiatry a better thing. More of it needs to happen. However, the biggest problem is that open dialog can only happen in a non-coercive environment — and when dealing with the mental health system, those environments are exceedingly rare. I'm lucky enough to have had the opportunity.

I've been invited to talk to a psychiatrist at Cambridge Hospital regarding appropriate treatment of transgendered persons in inpatient units. I hope that I responded to the message in time, they called me last week but my cell phone does an extremely poor job at telling me I have voice mail (remember that if you leave me voice mail and I don't respond). They suggested that after my experiences in 2005, I'd surely have some input, and I definitely do. I will say this though, even with all the problems I had and witnessed on Cahill 3 a couple years ago, I'd still rate the Cambridge Hospital impatient units as the best of the many that I've locked up in. I hope I can be of assistance in making improvements.

Yesterday, sophiaserpentia commented that she had heard Domina at Club Choices was canceled, but indicated that she was unsure of the accuracy of what she heard. To confirm this I looked online, but could only find one source and wasn't sure who the source was or how accurate they were. I called the number on the flier and the person who answered (apparently it's the promoter's cell number) didn't know if the night was happening or not. She said she'd call someone else and find out. Victor called after I did and she told him it was not canceled. So, we went and it was canceled. In my opinion, if you're going to put your number on promotional material under "Call for more info:", then you should be in the loop about the night. The people running the night really need to get it together.

We ended up going to Queeraoke at the Ramrod. I'd never been to the Ramrod before, but like anywhere I've gone with Victor he seemed to know everyone. I actually got up and sang, only the second time I've done karaoke. Unlike when I went as Phil to Glitterswitch Drag Karaoke at Club Hollywood many years ago, I wasn't absolutely horrible. I'm sure I wasn't memorably good by any stretch of the imagination, but at least this time I wasn't memorably bad.

Answers to yesterday questions:

~~~
It improved until last year. However in the last year, even with a lot of great additions, it seems to have quality and growth seems to have stagnated.

~~~
We are many and one. I estimate that there are between 10 and 20 quasidistinct individuals. You might check out these entries, keeping in mind that most of my entries from 2001 to 2004 have not yet been tag, and that was my most prolific period writing on the subject.

2.71828
I can and most others I know can. However, it is not universal and there are a significant minority that can't.

687
I would simply say they are getting different.

893254
They are separate forces and each exist in their own right. What influence there is flows both way.

I saw my endocrinologist today. As normal, she renewed my prescription and had my blood drawn. As part of the exam, she asked if I had any leg swelling. I mentioned the oddness behind the backs of my right knee and elbow and that my primary care nurse thought they were lipomas, but that I was doubting that assessment. She took a look at my knee and agreed that there was not a lipoma there. She suggested they might be ganglion cysts, but wasn't so sure because they appeared too lateral in form.

She suggested that I see a rheumatologist for a more specific diagnosis, but that my primary care nurse would have to give me a referral. I told her that I doubted my primary care nurse would, as she doesn't believe anything I say; to which my endocrinologist replied "She'll believe me.". At least I'm getting someone to believe something health related isn't in my head.

I'm rethinking the rant I wrote about a month ago rejecting labeling myself "feminist". Perhaps it is not a label I should so hastily reject. This brings to mind the question: "Why is a feminist?".

Yes, I've heard the simplistic answer many times: "a feminist is someone who believes women are people too" or any variation on that theme. But that dissolves quickly when one starts talking issues. The abortion, the rabid warthog of issues, easily breaks the illusion. Many pro-choice feminists declare that pro-life feminism is an oxymoron, and that legal unqualified abortion is the only true path of feminism. This clearly is an affront to pro-life feminists, who will inevitably tell you that they believe unborn women are people too. Whether or not pro-life feminism is valid, this conflict alone shows that a simple definition is not going to suffice in defining what feminism is.

Perhaps asking "what is feminism" is a bit like asking "what is goth" on alt.gothic (is that still regularly asked?). Done over and over again, there is no real definition. It is a political orientation, the same way socialist and populist are. If it simply a political orientation, why should I reject it just because some fanatical organizations such as the MWMF claim it as well? Perhaps it is just a word, perhaps my gesture has no real meaning, but I might just call myself a feminist again.

When I was 18 I wanted to have my surgery by the time I was 25. I wanted to get it done while I was young and could then enjoy my youth without having to deal with a body I did not want.

I waited a long time. Now I am 32 and I wait no longer. This is not because it has come to pass, but because I believe it never will.

There was a time in the not-too-distant past when I thought that people were missing the point if they said "'feminists' should call themselves 'equalists' if they truly embrace equality." Now, I think I may have been missing the point. While I agree with most strong feminist concepts, I do not feel part of the feminist "community" nor do I longer want to be part of it any longer. This has been eating at me more and more the past year.

When I was homeless in the Northampton/Amherst area, I had just as much trouble with "feminists" as I did with frat boys, both groups being endemic to the area. I was refused housing on the basis of being trans by both groups. But I still identified as feminist.

Recently, I've become more and more dissatisfied with the drama and the readiness of many feminists to shout "You're not a feminist if you are X"; X being a sex worker, a transsexual, a pro-lifer, or someone who disagrees with them. It's interesting that the same people who would readily deny people the feminist label will also state "a feminist is anyone who believes in equality for women". I've known a lot of people who stopped identifying as feminist for this very reason. The exchange goes as follows: "You're not a feminist." "Okay."

I have also come to dislike the feminist community's knack for grabbing a concept because it sounds or feels good, not because it makes sense. Personal opinions and beliefs are fine and can be based on whatever you want to base them on, but policy and law should be based on reason and logic. Reason and logic are not inherently male concepts nor are they dirty words, as I have heard some "feminists" actually claim.

Reading the blatant hatred and nastiness on MichFest Boards the other day have sealed the deal: While I may agree with most feminist concepts, I no longer want to be part of the "community". Feel free to label me whatever you want based on my views or your views or whatever, but I will from now on be calling myself a There was a time in the not-too-distant past when I thought that people were missing the point if they said "'feminists' should call themselves 'equalists' if they truly embrace equality." Now, I think I may have been missing the point. While I agree with most strong feminist concepts, I do not feel part of the feminist "community" nor do I longer want to be part of it any longer. This has been eating at me more and more the past year.

When I was homeless in the Northampton/Amherst area, I had just as much trouble with "feminists" as I did with frat boys, both groups being endemic to the area. I was refused housing on the basis of being trans by both groups. But I still identified as feminist.

Recently, I've become more and more dissatisfied with the drama and the readiness of many feminists to shout "You're not a feminist if you are X"; X being a sex worker, a transsexual, a pro-lifer, or someone who disagrees with them. It's interesting that the same people who would readily deny people the feminist label will also state "a feminist is anyone who believes in equality for women". I've known a lot of people who stopped identifying as feminist for this very reason. The exchange goes as follows: "You're not a feminist." "Okay."

I have also come to dislike the feminist community's knack for grabbing a concept because it sounds or feels good, not because it makes sense. Personal opinions and beliefs are fine and can be based on whatever you want to base them on, but policy and law should be based on reason and logic. Reason and logic are not inherently male concepts nor are they dirty words, as I have heard some "feminists" actually claim.

Reading the blatant hatred and nastiness on MichFest Boards the other day have sealed the deal: While I may agree with most feminist concepts, I no longer want to be part of the "community". Feel free to label me whatever you want based on my views or your views or whatever, but I will from now on be calling myself a equalist.

After seeing the MWMF boards, it is pretty clear that the Camp Trans press release was inaccurate insofar as stating that there has been any change in the policies of the MWMF.

I share the view others who have expressed: even if the policy did change why would I want to be stuck for a week at a festival with such a tone of fear and hatred. And while the have just as much right as everyone else to single a group out for hatred and scapegoating, I don't really see how that would be in any way enjoyable or fulfilling for me to join in.

ganked from daffidoll:

http://www.camp-trans.org/ Michigan Women’s Music Festival ends policy of discrimination against Trans women After 15 years of controversy, supporters welcome trans women to ‘the land’ HART, MICHIGAN — The Michigan Women’s Music Festival began admitting openly trans (transgender/transsexual) women last week, bringing success to a longstanding struggle by trans activists both inside and outside the festival. “Seeing trans women inside the festival for the first time brought me to tears,” said Sue Ashman, who attends the festival every year. “It’s restored my faith in women’s communities.” Ashman said ”I have friends who have already committed to bringing themselves and others for the first time next year.” Organizers of Camp Trans, the annual protest across the road from the festival, say that every year at least one trans woman at Camp Trans walks to the festival gate with a group of supporters, explains that she is trans, and tries to buy a ticket. In past years, the festival box office has produced a printed copy of the policy and refused. “This time, the response was, ‘cash or credit?’” said Jessica Snodgrass, a Camp Trans organizer and festival attendee who spent the week reaching out to supporters inside the fest. “They said the festival has no policy barring any woman from attending.” The woman purchased her ticket on Wednesday and joined supporters inside the festival. Another trans woman, Camp Trans organizer Emilia Lombardi, joined on Friday to facilitate a scheduled workshop discussion on the recently-retired policy. “This kind of discussion has happened before inside the fest,” said Lombardi. “But for the first time in years, trans women were part of the conversation. Over 50 women shared their thoughts about what the inclusion of trans women means for the Festival and how we can move forward.” “We didn’t expect to change anyone’s minds in the workshop – but in the end we didn’t need to. The support we found was overwhelming.” Both trans women say they were moved by how friendly and supportive other festival attendees were. “We spent all day inside the festival, talking with other women about how Michigan has grown to embrace the diversity of women’s experience,” Lombardi said. “The attitudes of festival goers have definitely shifted since the early 90’s.” With their original mission accomplished, organizers say Camp Trans will continue to be a place for trans people and allies to build community, share ideas, and develop strategies for change. And they will keep working together with festival workers and attendees to make sure trans women who attend the fest next year have support and resources. Camp Trans will partner with a group of supporters inside the fest next year to establish an anti-transphobia area within the festival. Representatives from Camp Trans and A group of festival workers and attendees, organizing under the name "The Yellow Armbands," plan to educate people on trans issues and provide support to trans and differently gendered women. Festival attendees have worn yellow armbands for the past three years as a symbol of pro-trans inclusion solidarity. Both Camp Trans and supporters at the fest say they are excited to be working together to welcome trans women and support a trans-inclusive, women-only space. “This is not about winning,” said Snodgrass. “It’s about making our communities whole again. The policy divided people against each other who could be fighting on the same side. We want to be part of the healing process.” Camp Trans (camp-trans.org) is an effort to end discrimination against trans women within women’s communities. For 14 years, Camp Trans has been a site for trans people and allies to protest the policy, build community, and develop strategies for change. BACKGROUND The festival’s policy against trans women was first enforced in 1991, when festival security ejected Nancy Burkholder from the grounds of the festival. As the largest women-only festival of its kind, and as one of the few remaining women’s events to openly discriminate against trans women, the festival was well known for its policy, drawing criticism from trans activists and festival attendees. Two years ago, a group of attendees deployed a 25-foot banner opposing the policy during the headline act.</a>

Based on the lj interests lists of those who share my more unusual interests, the interests suggestion meme thinks I might be interested in:

#	Interest	Score	Google it
1	kappa delta	16	huh?
2	ta kala diokomen	12	huh?
3	ssi	11	huh?
4	disability	10	huh?
5	tones on tail	8	huh?
6	chronic pain	8	huh?
7	transitioning	8	huh?
8	kd	8	huh?
9	tear garden	6	huh?
10	pharmaceuticals	6	huh?
11	lycia	6	huh?
12	shadow project	6	huh?
13	specimen	6	huh?
14	dennis cooper	6	huh?
15	cranes	6	huh?
16	march violets	6	huh?
17	mephisto walz	6	huh?
18	in the nursery	6	huh?
19	dennis kucinich	6	huh?
20	4ad	6	huh?

Type your username here to find out what interests it suggests for you.
Popularity Ceiling: (Please be patient!)

changed by ouwiyaru based on code by ixwin
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when i was homeless i could not stay in a shelter because i am a tranny
i felt not part of the society around me
i most hated the goody goody
the "proper and respectable"
i lurked in the shadows and stole from the shops
i snuck into buildings (trespassing) for warmth and sleep
i was neither proper nor respectable
but i felt my stealing and trespassing reasonable
i still believe they were
but the "proper and respectable" never will

i carried a lot of anger as i walked the darknesses
looking at the happy faces heading home burned my eyes red with fire
it has been long time to let go of these ancient angers
and to look now with clear eyes

i am outside me now
i see how that anger still taints my political views
i identify with the underdog
the downtrodden
i inherently distrust the proper and respectable
in the current conflict in the middle east
the palestinians and the lebanese have gone through much more strife and hardship than i ever have
and israel is the "proper and respectable"
this adds a layer of distrust to whatever it does
bush’s support drives that home
the bush administration has mastered the self-righteousness "proper and respectable"

i must observe that my emotions play in my political beliefs
my views may or may not be wrong
and after exploring them my view may or may not
but it is important for me to explore those biases
and what blindnesses those biases might be producing

if one cannot question oneself
one does not have an open mind

I left Missouri in February, 1994. I had been living in my car in Columbia, and suddenly I realized "I'm living in my car, why the fuck am I still in Missouri?". My first stop was Terra Haute, Indiana. I had almost gone to college there and wanted to see what my life would have been like if I had.

The only night I spent there, I met Andrea at a coffee house. Andrea was 29 years old and on SSI. Her mother had power of attorney and controlled her finances. The night I met her in that nameless coffee shop, she asked me "Do you want to go to Boston?". I had been planning to make my way down to New Orleans for Mardi Gras, but I figured what the hell and replied, "Yes".

The biggest problem with our trip was financing. I had little in the way of funds and Andrea couldn't access hers without her mother's permission. Her mom would never consent to a haphazardly planned trip across the country, so we came up with a plan. I met her mom, and Andrea told her that I was a nice Jewish girl that wanted to go tour the Jewish History museums on the east coast. I did as little talking as possible, worrying that my voice could give me away. To my amazement, her mother bought the story and gave her $650. We left.

At this point the plan was to go to Boston, then head up through Canada and then down the west coast. It was an ambitious plan in a 12 year old 1982 Buick LeSaber. But, I had nothing to lose, so what the hell?

Our first stop was Indianapolis. Nothing very interesting happened there. In fact, we were pretty much bored to tears. Neither of us knowing anyone or even a good place to start looking for interesting people lead to us pretty much not doing much.

Next stop was Cincinnati. Apart from almost getting killed a couple of times, it was about as interesting as Indianapolis. We decided to make the rest of the trip to Boston in one go.

Unfortunately, we didn't make it all the way to Boston as easily as we had hoped. My car broke down in Pennsylvania crossing the Appalachians. We were near the top of a nameless mountain, and pushed the car down to some nameless town. There was a mechanic in that town who was very kind and noted the low-cash situation we were in. He offered to replace the coolant system thermostat for just the cost of parts, which was $40.

We spent the night in the town, then headed on our way. By the time we got to Boston, the car was having problems again. It would only go so far before it overheated, but we completed the trip.

One of the first things I saw upon arriving to Boston was a homeless man being chased out of a Dunkin' Donuts with a broom. I took that as a bad omen.

To save money on parking, we decided to park the car in the outskirts of town where it would be easier to find a spot. Instead, we ended up spending the first night in Roxbury as the car refused to travel only a mile or so at a go. The second night, we stayed on the floor of a ratty apartment of some slight creepy guys Andrea had just met. The third night, we stayed in one of the back alleys of Central Square.

By this time, I was ready to leave Boston. Andrea had just wasted around $60 on new boots while I was struggling to deal with the parking situation. I was very worried that I might lose my car. I told her that I was leaving Boston and she had two choices: come with me or get her stuff out of my car. She refused to do either, so I ended up leaving Boston with a good deal of her stuff.

My car was doing quite badly at this point, and could not go over 40mph. I got pulled over on the Mass Pike around Framingham for going too slow and was told to take another route. I took Route 9 from that point to Northampton. The cooling system was acting up during the trip as well, and I had to make frequent stops. I ended up spending the night on the side of the road somewhere along Route 9 in Central Massachusetts.

After waking up, I noted I needed gas. I had a black cloth skirt on with a black button down shirt with a high collar. I hadn't had access to bathroom facilities, so my face was quite stubbly. I pulled up to the gas station and pumped the gas. When I attempted to pay, the attend said "It's free for the church, Father." Figuring at that point that I could use free gas more than the church, I went with along it.

After limping the rest of the way to Northampton, my car finally died in the parking lot behind the Haymarket my second day in town. A blizzard hit that night, a snow emergency was declared, and my car was towed.

The following morning Liz, who I had just met the night of the blizzard, used her AAA membership to have my car towed from the tow lot to E lot at UMass in Amherst. A semester parking pass for E lot cost only $10 at that point and wasn't restricted to students, so I was able to have my car parked legally until the end of the semester. My car was my home until June, by which time it had decayed significantly and was quickly towed.

I'm always surprised at how well I pass nowadays, even if I tend to pass for 10-20 years older than I am. I feels strange, I'm still not used to the idea that I'm not automatically "out" to everyone.

I have no intention of going stealth, I plan to always be out to friends and acquaintances. But, on the street I see no reason to wear a big sign that says "tranny". I feel like I'm copping out, but I feel it's an issue of safety.

There is definitely an appeal to going deep stealth, but it inevitably involves dishonesty. Stealthers change inconvenient facts about their pre-transition lives. They make up stories more fitting to the childhood they think they should have had. In short, they lie. I have no intention of being anything other than what I am, and I am not ashamed.

I will not run back into the closet, regardless of how nice that closet will be. I will not turn my back on my community. And, I will not cloak myself in lies.