Yesterday morning, purpleglitter and I got up early to pick up the two cutest English budgies. The rusty cage they were in sucked and there were two cats there were being allowed batting at their tail feathers, but the had each other and to their former owner's credit, they had insisted they not be separated in their craigslist ad. They are so obviously bonded, they are snuggled up against each other more often then they are not. We are calling them Statler and Waldorf.


( +1 )

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Statler and Waldorf home safe and sound, I had to head out to my endocrinology appointment, which went well. It is obvious that my endocrinologist is still not entirely comfortable with me being off psychiatric medication and not in therapy, even though it has been years and I'm doing fine. At least at this point she no longer suggests I go back to either. She did, however, suggest I see my primary care provider. I won't, I don't trust my pcp anymore. However, my endo let slip the name of a primary care doctor popular who is popular with her trannie patients that I'm going to check out switching to.

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After they got done taking my blood, I went over to see Ila. She has been teaching me Telugu script, though the words we've been going over have been Sanskrit. This week I need to practice writing conjunct consonants. I think the script is beautiful and am grateful for the opportunity to attempt to learn it. Ila seems to enjoy showing it to me — which is good, otherwise she probably wouldn't.

I'm giving up at completing NaNoWriMo. At this point, it's pretty obvious it's not going to happen. There is just no way I'm going to complete this. turil is right, I need to go about things differently. I need to set more realistic goals and take things in smaller steps.

It may look bad, but I had already mentally budgeted that I would make little or no progress at NaNoWriMo during invalid_userid's visit.

Day	Words
1	1729/1667
2	1883/3333
3	1883/5000
4	1883/6667

With the preparations for invalid_userid's visit along with wanting to spend time with her, I didn't get much writing done. I expect to fall quite a bit behind while she's here, but I have already planned for that and if all goes well will catch up after she leaves. While I am serious about doing NaNoWriMo this year, spending time with good friends is far more important.

Day	Words
1	1729/1667
2	1883/3333

I'm going to attempt nanowrimo this year. I've got a book that's been kicking around the back of my head for the last few months, and I want to get it written. I'm contemplating self-publishing it on neitherday.com if I succeed in getting the book written. Neitherday.com has been languashing for a while anyway and at this point is only a shallow echo of this journal. I'd like to actually make it into something.

Day	Words	Day	Words	Day	Words
1	1667	11	18333	21	35000
2	3333	12	20000	22	36667
3	5000	13	21667	23	38333
4	6667	14	23333	24	40000
5	8333	15	25000	25	41667
6	10000	16	26667	26	43333
7	11667	17	28333	27	45000
8	13333	18	30000	28	46667
9	15000	19	31667	29	48333
10	16667	20	33333	30	50000

When I talk or write about my life, I attempt to choose my words very carefully. I attempt to choose my words carefully when I talk or write about anything, but even more so when I talk about my life. Often I am so careful, it ends up double-talk.

I'm concerned with accidentally misleading people, and my life is sufficiently complicated that I feel it would be very easy to do so. If I paint too rosy a picture or make it seem I'm doing better than I am and have progressed further than I have, I worry I'll receive undue praise or admiration or even jealousy. On the other hand – if I paint to bleak a picture, I may elicit worry, charity, or pity that is not warranted.

Of course, I am not perfect and neither is language a perfect tool. I do not always strike the balance correctly. I don’t believe anyone could. However, I endeavour to do the best I can. It is an obsession of mine, although I’m unsure whether or not it is a healthy one.

Answers to yesterday questions:

~~~
It improved until last year. However in the last year, even with a lot of great additions, it seems to have quality and growth seems to have stagnated.

~~~
We are many and one. I estimate that there are between 10 and 20 quasidistinct individuals. You might check out these entries, keeping in mind that most of my entries from 2001 to 2004 have not yet been tag, and that was my most prolific period writing on the subject.

2.71828
I can and most others I know can. However, it is not universal and there are a significant minority that can't.

687
I would simply say they are getting different.

893254
They are separate forces and each exist in their own right. What influence there is flows both way.

ganked from many:

On the twelfth day of Christmas, neitherday sent to me...

Twelve squirrels suffering

Eleven strings writing

Ten crows a-kissing

Nine cats birdwatching

Eight trees a-scrying

Seven cigars a-walking

Six politics a-nothing

Five ci-i-i-ivil liberties

Four zebra finches

Three haunted houses

Two psych wards

...and a luna in an astronomy.

Get your own Twelve Days:

I saw my therapist yesterday. I think I am going to start seeing her regularly again, at least for a little while. My head is clogged up and I need to let a lot of things out.

There was a time I used to let things out more here on LiveJournal than in my therapists office. I tell her things I tell no one else. This is a sign of my trust of my therapist, even while I have a extremely low opinion of the mental health system in general.

I'm very lucky that I have access to a therapist that I don't have to worry about overreacting and having me locked up. She has professional standards that she must adhere to – but if I say something that might potentially get me trouble, I always have a chance to backtrack and "clarify". Without this, I doubt I could be as open with her as I am.

My therapist is the only mental health professional I trust at this point. I will not see a psychiatrist and I will not live on psych meds. My therapist knows this and has accepted it. She may not agree with the decision, but she will not force her opinion on me and she knows better than to badger me about it. That I have found such respect a rarity in the mental health field.

Perhaps in time I will return to writing more here. Unlike in therapy, these days I am more cautious how I put things online. Perhaps I should begin writing poetry again. Perhaps deeper into metaphor is the way to go. Or, perhaps edited stream of consciousness. Or something else, perhaps. We shall see.

purpleglitter asked me to make some NaNoWriMo icons for language is a virus. I came up with four, and thought I'd share them here as well.